Should we break up?
I don't know if this is more anxiety support or relationship support but the big thing I'm questioning is if I should break up with my boyfriend? We've been together over 5 years and he's the best guy I've ever been with, I've been very happy and feel like I've done a bit of growing and improving since I've been with him. Although I've always felt like my anxiety is a problem, not because my boyfriend said so(though I feel like he's thinking it), but that's just how I feel. He's always been very patient and understanding with me and always trying to help me through hard times. That being said, I just feel like I'm ruining his life because he deserves so much better than me. My anxiety is at an all time worse right now and I just feel like I'm messing everything up. I feel selfish for staying with him just because he makes me happy when I feel like I'm making him so miserable. I just don't know what to do, I feel like I'm falling apart and I don't want to drag him down with me, but at the same time I don't want to lose him.
It sounds like you care about him alot. If he's patient and understanding with you always trying to help then it's safe to assume he also cares about you alot. Seems like alot of good reasons to stay together to me! I know the feeling that you don't want to burden anyone with all your problems. Seeking out another outlet for speaking about this would stop that though, another friend or family member, speak to your doctor about help or speaking on here might make that difference :)
Yea this has been an on and off feeling over the past 5 years. He tells me all the time that everything's ok and that we'll fine but I still have a hard time shaking that feeling of being a burden. I do have a therapist that a talk to, but other than that, my boyfriend is my only other outlet. I don't have any family to talk to and I don't want to bother my friends with my problems so a lot of the time it's just me trying my best to deal with everything all by myself. I just feel like I'm too much sometimes and I'm making my boyfriend really unhappy, I don't know how long it'll take for me to get better with my anxiety and I don't want to keep dragging him down while waiting it out you know? Thank you for listening though I really appreciate it.
It sounds like you're taking good steps towards helping yourself & talking about worries together is super healthy and a grounding for a good relationship. Do you feel like you help him when he needs it?
I try my best to though it can be hard when I'm constantly feeling anxious and stressed. I try to be there for him the best I can but it probably seems like I make my problems more important or that I'm not trying to fix them because of how difficult everything feels. I really do want to be there for him and make him happy like he does for me, it's just been a bit difficult to do that right now.
Honestly it sounds like you're doing pretty well & just need to give yourself a bit of credit :) maybe you could rechannel that feeling, if you feel guilty for him helping with your problems, you could remember how you appreciate him & find something nice to do for him (even just saying thanks or making a cup of tea) I'm sure it would brighten his day too :)
You definitely aren’t being selfish, he is choosing to stay with you, no one is making him and it sounds like there is a lot of love there. It would be good to keep in mind though that having just one person as your sole support puts a lot of pressure on them. It’s always good to diversify your support system so you aren’t putting all of that on one person. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help!