Social media addiction

It sounds like that you and your partner have different expectations in the relationship. Your partner may not feel that his phone is a huge issue in the relationship, but to you it does. You would like him to focus on you more than his phone. It sounds like that he is entertained by his phone when it comes to other people and tik tok and social media. I understand that you have become really frustrated by his actions. You feel that he should be open and transparent to you about his friends like you are to him about your friends. It bothers you that you work a lot and that he is retired. You wish that he would have more of a life than just Facebook, tik tok and his phone. And it's frightening in someways too that he may be being dishonest with you. It's true that the phone is an escape. But that tik tok is no joke. Some people use it for their work. It really affects people, as well as Facebook and other social media applications. You are disappointed in him because he doesn't match the image that you want him to be, mainly the reflection of yourself. You are also facing disappointment because that romantic stage has now passed. I understand that you feel annoyed because you aren't able to get through to him and that he gets defensive. It's also stressful to you because you are hoping for things to be at a point where you feel at ease. It sounds like that you won't be at ease until your partner is going to be exactly how you want him. So, since he is not changing and you cannot change him, you need to find away to be satisfied with yourself and the situation that you are in. Perhaps, you can take different approaches communicating to him and tell him how you wish to improve your relationship with him would help. Maybe you could find joint activities that do not require the phone, such as going for walks, playing board games or other activities. That way both of you will both be occupied by an activity that is enjoyable to both of you. And that will be quality time spent together. Those instances may help your relationship and decrease the annoyance and stress.

@intelligentTiger5312

There are studies ongoing and have completed that have shown a few things that you may want to consider.

1. Social Media Companies have performed the research, especially from a psychological perspective, to learn how human beings develop addictions and the brain chemistry that occurs when they receive messages, emails, and sounds associated - which includes dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. Therefore, they have equipped their apps and software to feed those receptors with what they crave, which creates a dependence.

2. Social Media and Phone Addiction is real. It's not a myth or junk science or pseudoscience. Addiction to social media or phones can negatively impact relationships, friendships, true connections, cause mental disorders, anxiety, and depression.

I've witnessed couples at dinner, where both of them are on their phones all the way into dessert, without saying one word to one another. Some may argue, "Well, that works for them," No. Just no, it doesn't. I've seen situations where a group of people is at dinner, at the table, and not one person is talking to one another.

There must be phone-free times when it's strict, time for the both of you, non-negotiable. Pre-social media and phones, it was the TV, perhaps before that was the radio. We have evolved, and the technologies have only improved over decades.

The quality of your relationship depends on your ability to truly connect with one another. When you sacrifice that, it erodes over time.

I've performed a long-term (decades) worth of informal study around successful marriages. I've asked couples that I find who have been married longer than 20 years one simple question, "What is your secret?" Almost ALL of them said two things:

1. We were friends no matter what, (meaning under the hood of their marriage, they were friends throughout)

2. They learned how to communicate with one another, resolve their differences, and pick and choose their battles.

Thank you both for your useful replies and I've taken on board your thoughts. I've given a lot of thought on the addiction aspect and his loneliness. It seems he is stuck in an old routine of relying on the phone for connections and to which I'm an just 'add on' more than being wanted for me. He is in the process of getting his own house in the next month and wants me to move in but I will still be keeping my own place for a year as we plan building works to his in the future and will need somewhere to stay. This is actually a good plan as it gives him time to get himself his own life and he will be busy and occupied with the house and I get some space. If he continues to need his phone and tik tok people for entertainment I will be straight with him and say how it affects our relationship and the future. If that is more important to him than having a real relationship then I can return to my own space and he think what really matters to him. The house is in a village and I'm very social so can build a good circle of real people to connect with instead of random strangers who hold his attention more than me or his family. Time will tell.