Thought i could be a side chick with hopes
I guess the title pretty much says it all
Let me start off saying I didn't know he had a girlfriend and I wasn't looking to get feeling for him (if thats what I even really have) it was supposed to be a 1 time thing that I got caught up in
Like I said it was supposed to be a one time thing and even after that night in my mind it was just sex nothing more that nights was about 4 years ago smh
After that night it became a almost one a week thing keep in mind I know him because of an ex boyfriend thats how we met cant really remember who hit up who on FB 1st but we was sneaking around I thought it was cuz of me cuz I only came around when I wanted to plus didnt want people knowing I was sleeping with my ex friend so I didn't think much of it plus I knew u was sleeping with other people so was I what I didn't know was he had a girlfriend
Now about a year later of us messing around I found out he had a girlfriend which was crazy to me cuz if I got into a relationship I would be honest with him and cut him off at least until the relationship went south and he would be the 1st person I would call then that FB message came through and it was her pretty much saying all of us girls sleeping with him better stop cuz he with her I didn't answer just let him know his girl had texted me and left it alone
Didnt last long tho cuz he was at my door then in my bed now I know this not right but my logic was if he going to keep cheating on her anyways might as well be with me (at this time feeling feeling wasnt there just more of a low friendship that happens to have sex)
Almost 3 years later I've been in and out of relationships and he still going through it with the same chick (now I never told him this but around the end of the 2 year mark I had gotten pregnant by him I didn't tell him because I had alot of miscarriages before and didn't wanna say anything and it wasn't going to last which it didn't I ended up having a miscarriage so never said anything) but by then I was already having feelings but kept it to myself and tried so hard not to show them then one day we got to talking about feelings and my dumb self fell right in knowing he was still with her I just couldn't let him go and for some dumb reason we start talking about having a baby even took steps to really have one (even with know my problems with getting pregnant) but we was trying now do get me wrong we was having problems like if we was in a relationship but always fixed it
My bday is what killed it for me it was the 1st time we went out out in public together was supposed to watch a game for my bday but didn't make it in time so we got a room and spent it together afterwards no matter how much I try or no its wrong I can't seem to get away from him or wanna deep down ( I know im stupid for even letting it go this far )
Now to get closer to today not so long ago was a show at my place because she pulled up while he was at my place they got into it same day he picked me up and we left for a couple days out of state now a couple days ago she pulled up again and busted my window O on his bday this happened by the way yet again next day picked me up and we spent time together
Now as I'm writing this I know im the biggest dummy in the world but I can't help but want him to walk through my door I've have tried talking myself out of letting him around shoot i even know if I had him he more then likely not going to be who I want plus I've always heard how u get them is how you lose them *** I don't even really know alot about him as he don't know alot about me but I still can't help waiting him with me
Open to all comments I really think I need to hear it to help open my eyes or show me im helpless and stuck
@proactiveNorth9267
You need to let it go and find someone who respects and cares for you only, they are out there! You are worth it and not damaged goods - his focus and intentions are selfish and immature. Something lasting is worth the effort!
Appreciate u saying that cant lie theres alot that I've been keeping from him guess its y I feel like its ok
@proactiveNorth9267
There isn’t much that we could tell you that will influence what you do. Some people respond to logic and sense; and others need to feel something before they act. The truth is he makes you feel something that you crave, maybe he makes you feel alive, spontaneous, attractive, ‘special’ and wanted. Even if the intelligent part of you that makes rational decisions knows there probably isn’t anything particularly permanent or lasting about what you have with him.
Maybe his girlfriend also thought she was ‘the one’ for him, even while he’s getting other girls pregnant and sleeping around. And even when she knows about you, she’s still thinking there’s some kind of happily ever after for the two of them. She’s thinking he will change, after 3 years of flings she still thinks he can be loyal.
And maybe you think you won’t be her. Maybe you think you’re different right? He couldn’t be loyal to her but he’ll definitely be loyal to you right? Because you’re going to have a child together right? And because you’ll love him like he’s never been loved, and what you have with him will be different right?!
We probably can’t change your mind. But what might change your point of view, is when 3 years later, you find out you’re still just a ‘side chick’ to a man who only has side chicks, with two of his kids that he doesn’t care about, in a loveless empty ‘relationship’ with a man who is great at sex and awful at everything else. There isn’t anything we can tell you that will make ‘sense’ to you, compared to exactly how awful and empty you will feel in that moment when you live that experience for yourself.
There’s still a chance for you to do something different. But if keep walking the same paths, you’ll always end up in the same place.
CatsInTheCradle
I honestly get what u saying 100% that's what gets me mad i know better yet still here
been thinking of just picking up and leaving but I don't have to do that think its the only way to go far so I don't fall back into it but with my life thats easier said then done
