Toxicity
Hey
I am 18 years old and currently preparing for a entrance exam..I have a bf . It's been 1.5 year since we are togther... But from last 4 months things are not going right because it became a long distance due to my studies . He became abusive on calls and chats and started yelling at me due to his own family problems but everytime i gave him chances and told him not to do it again..but he did so many times.. from a week i could not really take it was giving me stres and i wasn't able to focus . So i told him that i want breakup. Which i usually said since the day 1 when he started abusing me in anger.. but he didnt stop. .and everytime when he begin to realise that i ll go.. he ll start emotionally blackmail me that he ll harm himself if i leave him... But i don't want that so i never left him .. but this time it was so much and i just lost my feelings for him ..and i told him to brkup ..he didnt stoped crying and starting emotionally blackmailing me agian he said he ll ruin his life ..and i ll be the reason. .. i was so hlpless and told him that i need time until I don't clear my entrance exam ... And he said ok for this . But now he have started pretending like i have hurt him so much and he is dying daily that i don't give him time . But i .know that when i again start talking to him normally he ll repeat himself again.. ok don't understand what i to do now.. i m here far from my home preparating for a toughest exam and he is not telling me live peacefully. He has become so toxic that it's hard to leave him completely.. if i ll try i m scared that he ll do something wrong to himself..and now he is behaving like it was never his fault and he just want to stay with me . But that toxicity i cant take anymore and i have too lost my feelings for him but he didnt have so at this point I m really feeling so bad that i m hurting that guy and not talking to him properly but i also know that is not good for me. He don't even respect me... I don't know what to do.. should i go back and talk nicely or should I just leave him ?
First, what he chooses to do after a breakup is not your fault, that would be his own choice and not on your hands at all. I also think it sounds like a tactic to make you feel guilty and stay, and may not actually happen. You do not deserve to go through abuse. You do not deserve to be threatened into staying in a relationship. Neither of you gains anything positive from staying together and keeping this up. It is in both of your interests to not be together anymore. You're not hurting him, he brought this on himself by treating you poorly and he no longer deserves your compassion or support. He chose how he treated you, he chose to act like how he did. He is only getting the consequences of his own actions by you leaving and not talking to him anymore. You deserve better. I think you've already given him some good graces and extra chances, and he blew it by continuing his poor behaviour. Give yourself the peace of mind and leave him and do not talk to him, at least for a bit. Focus on yourself and your studies, I wish you super good luck on your exams!