Trouble in relationship
I am having issues too. We been together for almost 4 years now. And I basically do everything for him. He works so I am home all the time. I do all the chores so he doesn’t have to. And when he asks favors from me like call in his prescription, pick it up, put gas in his tank, do his shopping, trim his nails, go pick him up his beer and smokes eve other day, etc. I do them but when I ask for things that I need, he never does anything for me. Makes excuses. He calls me stupid, puts me down all the time. Complains that I don’t do enough, and when I get upset at him for hurtful things he says or does to me, he automatically accuses me of blaming him for everything. I have asked him to stop many times and never does. When I am sick and not feeling good, I tell him I don’t want to cook dinner, he makes excuses why he can’t like I don’t know what we have. I am forced to get up even when I don’t feel good and cook dinner for him. If I don’t do what he asks, he turns around and says that I don’t love him anymore. He says I push him around, blame him when I express how I feel or get upset. Gets mad when I ask questions or my opinion is different then his. Says all I do is play the victim when I get upset and ask him to stop, then conflict starts. How do I play the victim? Do I? How am I blaming him for everything when all I do is say how feel and what hurt me. Am I the one that is doing the blaming? I feel like I am be used or taken advantage of. He says I am the one using him. Is that what I am doing? He won’t do anything for me, I feel it’s one sided and it’s always about him. Or is it just me?
@ZiggieDee
You wrote,"... I feel like I am be used (abused) or taken advantage of..." and "Or is it just me?"
Do this: Sit down, make a list of all the things that you do for him, let's just say for a month or two. Then, on the other column, write down all the things that he's done for you.
You'll likely come to find that, it isn't just you. In fact, maybe it will help you to look at your relationship with him in a whole different way.
@ZiggieDee
it's great that you wrote here. It takes courage. I see you want to start dealing with your situation. And this is the right first step to change something.
From what you write it seems to me that you are really playing a victim. But that doesn't mean I agree with what your boyfriend says. And I don't mean it offensively.
Depending on what you write, you do a lot of things for your boyfriend. And you don't like that it's not balanced. And you're complaining. But I don't see any change in your behavior towards him. Do you have to do everything you say for your boyfriend? Do you like to do it without expecting anything back? Expectations don't work very well. Agreements yes. What would you like to change in your behavior? So you can be the owner of your life. And not a victim of what is happening to you. You can start small. And gradually slowly increase your self-confidence.
Take care.
