Undefined
Hi
i don’t know what to write or what to feel. My boyfriend of almost 2 years and I had a big fight three days ago. I have a past of people being abusive towards me and cheating on me so I get jealous easily but my boyfriend thinks it’s a trust issue. Maybe it is but I can’t help it. Maybe it is childish but I saw that he liked one girls’ picture and said to him that it bothers me and he got angry and said that it is childish for that to bother me, that it doesn’t mean he wants that girl or that he wants to cheat on me etc. Then we got into a bigger fight the day later because he was constantly on the phone during our videochat and I was feeling sad and disrespected. He got angry again, saying that he has to do that for his job to success (he works with people who want to lose weight etc. and talks to them on daily basis, checks on them etc.) and that he has to be there for people for them to consider him a good “worker” or what. But because he is there for his clients, he is not there for me and he doesn’t see the problem, or to say, he sees me as a problem and as if I don’t support him. He got really angry and wanted to break up with me, saying I’m controlling and toxic and that it wont work in the future for us, that I dont appreciate him and the things he does for me but later said that he will give me a second/last chance (we fought about it a few times earlier), after I begged for him to stay and said I would try to not be controlling. Still, I too feel very unappreciated and since that day we are distant, I am trying to show him extra love but it is hard when he is not giving it back because he is still not fully “recovered” from our fight, I cry all day every day, don’t have motivation for anything, I am alone in a city where I study at so it is extra hard for me and when I talk to my parents or anyone I just feel annoyed and want to go cry myself to sleep.
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Sorry - meant to say - Your feelings are totally valid, and I hope that you are able to work things out. Lack of trust is a difficult thing to navigate, especially when a couple is in the process of earning that trust back. Take care.
This is hard. You are creating conflicts, or find yourself in conflicts no matter what. Being totally alone, feeling different in the family, in the city, in the class is a symptom of the internal conflict for you, I guess.
Where's the resistance!?, you should say yourself, maybe!
The way you expressed yourself makes me feel like you are always considering both sides of the coin all the time, which at times can be unsettling, can cause feelings of too much unpredictability and security.
Some people have too many connections and relationships. They have sports buddies, travelling buddies, drinking buddies, etc., but some people just want to do everything with one person only, want to share with 1 person, want to know 1 person.
There's no problem in doing that, however, extremes in that can cause the balance to tilt as the other person might not be in a similar position, in the ways of connecting with people.
You should tell him your situation, how you have become what you have become, how and why you are here. You should voice your concerns, and expect a solution from his side. Conflicts mist be resolved. I hope you feel easy with your family, with your person, and in the city.
Stay hydrated. 🔆
I see myself in your words when I was younger. The only advice I can give, start loving yourself first, and work out your past. It sounds harsh but when you find the one, you will know it. But first love yourself completely.
Don’t show him extra love, that will push him away. Instead, give him space and back away. When he is ready and misses you, he will come forth to you. During this time, focus on yourself, your mental state, and reflect on things you may want to work on to make yourself happy.
