Unlovable unwanted

I've been divorced twice now. Recently broke up with the love of my life that has been 20 years of loving him. Dated the first time 20 years ago off and on for about 6 years then parted ways just find ourselves back together for the last year. He cheated on me alot back then and so that has carried over into this time with him always accusing me even though I never cheated on him. He thinks I would to get even for what he did back then. He is now ending things because I moved after searching for 2 months and nit finding anything in the general location we had agreed upon I had to take a place not really ideal for him. I didn't want to be homeless.. He never helped look. He wanted me to give this place up and move in with his mom that he hates so at least he says we would be together. He hasn't even given my place a look much less a chance. In his messages he Goes from marry me to you gave up on me. I feel like he is just manipulating me there. Just recently like two days ago messaged one of my friends that he messed around with while we were apart before trying to get laid after telling me that same day he wanted us to be okay... claims now he knew she would show them to me which I don't believe. I know he isn't good for me as he obviously doesn't respect me yet I can't just let go for some reason. I have always been cheated on and therefore trust is more than an issue. It's at this point I don't think anyone can be satisfied with just me. I'm just unlovable for some reason. I do everything on my own as I have learned I can only depend on me. I don't know what to do anymore I'm more than depressed and at 41 I'm once again starting over....