and they wonder why their son doesn't talk to them or want to reach out

(cw: verbal abuse)

I've been with my partner for 8 years. His parents are a nightmare to deal with. I guess you can call them what people say "monster-in-laws". They never have any perception of boundaries, always wake up angry, are rude and barbaric to each other, and just seem like miserable people. If it were up to me I would want to stay far away from them as possible. But we're in the same city so weh.

Anyways, his dad had a birthday recently. And every year his dad would say to me, "my son never greets me happy birthday, no happy father's day, no holiday greeting, etc". So I figured to mention to my partner that his dad misses him and wants to spend time with him. He was indifferent but agreed to see them for dinner.

We had dinner at their house. I baked him a cake I knew he was fond of. He was civil, until a couple of hours into the evening he became his grumpy cranky self, which I've seen before, but it's unpleasant to experience. He was cussing at everyone around him, bossing them around from the couch, and picking on my partner.

My partner is trying to better himself at the gym and he's been doing great and looking good. His dad didn't even acknowledge that. He asked him weird questions like "you still doing gym? what are you doing at the gym? are you running? I bet you run like a girl" and it was so uncomfortable as he was saying this. And then he went on to call his own wife fat and cussed at her(although I have no sympathy or empathy for her bc she's a violent person who has threatened my life in the past), and did the same to his own mother who is suffering from dementia, and she is such a sweet woman.

At the end of the night, I checked on my partner to see if he was okay. He really was unbothered about it. He knew that's what his family is like. So from here on out, I have decided to not intervene or encourage him to maintain communication with his family if he doesn't want to. I'm amazed at how he didn't end up like his parents at all. He is kind and soft-spoken. I've never seen him angry.