just venting

im kinda confused

if i ask myself i can totally confirm im over him

i dont miss him and i dont see a reason why i should.

breaking him off was literally the best decision i made and i felt like a load got taken off my shoulders the minute i blocked him.

we both study the same subject so we occasionally do cross paths.

and i constantly find myself involuntarily looking for him.

like my eyes would scam the crowd actually looking for him.

i constantly open the "spam and blocked" page in my imessages to check if he texted.

he crosses my mind quite often.

i come across tiktoks or posts that remimd me of him or omes id definitely send to him if we were still talking. so i leave a comment and find myself secretly hoping he would see it.

i sometimes remember sth we did together and find myself hoping he still remembers it too.

i saw him once talking to a girl and a mini part of me was actually mad at her.

once even i thought he found someone else but it turned out to be wrong but in the 15 minutes i thought that it hurt in my heart and stomach so bad i felt like i was suffocating.

i know those sound like im not really over him but those are only short moments that happen not more than twice a week.

the reat 23 hours 50 minutes of each day are just me absolutely hating his guts and being proud of my decision.

im so confused of whats happening so that i sometimes maybe miss him? idk. it drives me mad

also i sometimes find myself hoping he still hasnt moved on and he atill misses me.

wish it was simple and i could just forget him.

sometimes i wish i never met him...