new stress from Dad
I'm a 34 year old woman almost 35 with Disablities. I'm look normal mostly except for glasses. I live with both my parents and I have a strained relationship with my Dad and my sister, Luna when she comes. I have another thread about previous problems with these two. I'm going to share 3 stories that happened recently
Background
Every week Mom's choir at church has a choir practice on Thursdays. Last Wed the church (March 5) had a pancake Supper and an Ash Wednesday service Mom found out as she was going to go into the church to do some practicing, that the organist, want them to stay after the service to practice for Sunday. So it meant I had to call Dad to come get me.
Story
Dad came to get me and since I didn't have a key-i was expecting to come home w/ Mom- i had to wait for Dad to turn off the garage lights he accidently left on, while i was standing in the cold with 2 heavy loads-when Dad unlocked the door he said "Mom didn't know before she left?" and when I was answering (all I said was 'no she didn't") he said "I had enough, I don't need to hear you been snarky". And that blew up into one of our normal arguments which blows out of proportion, and then he said "I don't need your craziness" I get my craziness from him! I litereally had to yell over him to finally finish my sentence to the question he asked in the first place!
Dad Yapping 24/7
Ever since I was 23 and Dad retired on days that Mom was home and wasn't at work being a subistue teacher Dad would yap her ear off all the time. He's still does it now, when both of them being retired now. it's so bad, that if I'm talking to Mom about something during fruit time if he comes in I'll shut up right away because somewhere between 70-88% of the time he's there to yap her ear off. And it's worse at the supper table that unless Luna's here, he constantly hogs the supper conversation unless I'm able to break in and ask about the news or tell them something interesting I saw. Having to deal with that every night with no breaks? In the past I had two escapes one was my day-program but it's still in person, and the other was bowling the bowling league got closed down awhile ago. With dad constantly yapping, I'm getting to the point where I just want to hang at the mall alone every other week so I can get away from Dad
Here's a rough schedule:
around 12pm:
Dad yaps at Mom in the bathroom about X1 news (In the past I could close the door to the library where I stay most of the time when I'm not in bed or I'm out of the house-but there's a bag full of books there which prevents me from closing it)
1-2pm
I'm gone downstairs to empty the dishwahser and mom's making fruit in the kitchen- Dad's probably going to be in there, yapping about X2 news and I'm stuck there
somewhere between 1:30-2pm when Mom and I get to actually eat the fruit one of two things happen- Dad will walk in and if I'm talking I will shut up imeddatiley because 70-80% of the time, he walks in because he wants to talk about X3 news.
the other scenario is that Dad walks in with his own fruit and yaps to Mom about X3 news and when he's sits at the table, an additional problem is that gives Mom reason to "read aloud" to Dad. (I don't mind if she reads aloud to me, but come on, if I'm trying to read something and Mom's doing that, I have to re-read the same sentence before I can move on
6:30-8pm (Supper)
We get seated at the table and after I say grace Dad will just launch into X16 news and only allows us to take a break from X16 news if I ask what's on the news/Canadian news depending on the time supper is.
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With him hogging the conversation so much, I'm wonder at times, how he even manages to finish his meal first
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Story:
So last Friday after I said grace Dad launched right into "whatever he was reading about 5th Estate (a a news TV show?) that was going to be on that night... something about riffles, and then next about scamming people. That's when i was trying to take deep breaths to calm myself down but when they dare asked me what was wrong, I just exploded about how I'm fed up with him hogging the entire supper conversation yah, yah, sure I didn't have anything else to say, but I would like the conversation to be more then just Dad and/or Luna, I should be able to hog the conversation myself once in awhile without being in Toronto w/ only Mom. My Mom has as of today told me twice the same beeswax about "I could learn something nice" about whatever the beeswax Dad's hogging supper conversation with
Going to Popeye's
Backstory:
So ever since Sept 2020 I'm allowed to go to a fast food restaurant once a month to get food to either bring home or recently in the rare case Dad's not avaible eat the food in the restaurant itself. It's for my mental health.
In Feb I was suppose to have two events on back-to-back weeks -on Feb the 6th the event on the 13th got cancelled. So the following Thursday, when we had some snow, on the ground- I asked Dad to take me to Popeye's since I wanted to do this much work but Dad refused.
The deal that was made that 'in a few weeks" we could go get a family supper from Popeye's and I could pay for the meals as of tomorrow it will have been a 4 whole weeks and we still haven't gone yet and I have other restaurants I want to go too, and I can't until I cross this one off my list Due to Mom having issues with her new computer, she wants to 'wait until Luna's down to get Popeye's when she's working on the reimbursements forms when Luna's here which is the reason why Luna's coming down but we don't know when she's coming. For me Luna's really unreliable for when she gets here because she can get here anytime from 6:30pm-3am.
Story:
So we're having supper on Tuesday night, and Mom tried to do those reimbursements form earier in the day and I had suggested going to Popeye's for supper. When Mom said, that Luna's going to be down next week (which she had told me previously)- I then said "I have to delay Popeye's enough week? I waited a month so far!" and I'm not quiet sure what happened, but I just had one of my fits and all I can remember is Dad telling me 1)it's chaos in the house and 2) something that's not really any of my beeswax about him selling his late friend's house in Toronto and something about the buyer. If thee "house is in chaos" doesn't thy make more sense rather then less sense to go get fast-food so no one has to cook?
Post Script:
For my mental health while I wait another stupid week for Popeye's I got a milkshake from the store and had a half of it with milk and have the other half tomorrow
Sunday June 8th, (several different topics, all June 8th)
Dad "forgot" I was going to be home "early" after church
Background
So this year on June 10th is the 100th anniversary of what is United Church of Canada. I went to church today because there would be a celebration luncheon after the service. So one thing is that with anyone kind of food-related event at the church that's not snack social time - Mom will sign up for clean-up. Most of the time I wouldn't want to stay and help. So that means I would walk home alone.
The Story:
Mom had told Dad the night before (Saturday) that I would be home before her and "I wouldn't want to stay and wait for Mom" but when I got home today -Dad was somehow still surprised I was "home earlier" Mom says that later Dad "claimed he forgot mom had told him I would be home early
June 8th-Dad not listening/hearing what he wants to hear not what I or someone (Mom) actually says
Background Part 1
Today is the 3rd since since the 2016, and 2022 that Dad either was not listening or he heard what he wanted to hear not what I or (in 2022's case) what Mom actually said.
One time - 2016/2017 somehow the words "Mom has no plans for supper if you wanted to make something for supper" got translated into Dad's head into "make supper for 2 -Mom will make her own supper"
2022 incident is that somehow Mom had gotten buns for Luna, and Mom had asked me on the Wed night if I didn't mind using 'stale" buns for supper but somehow Dad got fresh buns and there was one of our (Dad and my usual fights) when I pointed out that Mom was expecting us to use the buns that had been on the stove since Tuesday.
and today's accident I will share in a brief second after I do Background part II
Background Part II
So I don't know what it was like when Dad was a boy. What I do know or so my parents have told me is when my paternal grandpa was alive (so pre-June 1999) he and my paternal grandma would always have supper at 4pm. It's why my family (Mom, Dad, Luna and I, would go through a drive-thru (McDonald's) and get food to eat in the car for several of my childhood years. So if Dad has to make his own supper, or make supper for the two of us (like in 2022) he will constantly start making supper at 4pm precisely.
Story
When I came home today after church and I doing something (forgot what) I made a side mention of this exactly wording: "By the way Dad, there might be a chance of it being a make-our own supper. Somehow Dad translated that into his head into "it Is make-our own supper" . So after Mom came home and had a nap, guess who was partly through in make his own supper before Mom stopped him because she was making supper? Dad was making supper until Mom stopped him. So another time they blame me for Dad's poor listening skills (the other time has to do with the corn on hot dog night in 2020-see other thread)
June 8th- problem 3
Dad insisted on leaving a plant (?) on the dinning room table which means it a cramped space for me on my side of the table.
Background
Last year my Dad's friend Paul died, and Dad's the estate trustee. Last summer we got several bookcases 3 of which are in dinning room-my bookcases basically for my books and the bottom shelf of the "small' one is for mom's sewing machine. Another thing is you should know my entire life in the dinning room there's always been plants in there. Another thing to know is earlier this year Mom during fruit-making time has given Dad his own separate apple from the apple mom and I share 1/2 of from a different apple. Now the two apple baskets are on the table in what is Luna's spot if she's here. And finally the last thing- so because its free for all suppers on Thursdays from Sept to June I normally leave magazines on the table right next to Mom's and my apple basket.
here's a sort of (bad) look at the dinning room
Story
I went downstairs to set the table for supper and when I went into the dinning room, I found a plant I had already put up on the bookshelf once already due to the cramp space that ends up happening if we have the Plant +apple baskets all on the table at least on my side of the table. There's a risk of me knocking a basket to the floor if the plant has to be on the table because Dad has to put the one basket of apples right onto of my piles magazines which i read on Thursdays or last time on top of my neck napkin. So this is the 2nd time I had to move it back up to the top of the bookshelf I had put it before.
PS. Mom thinks I should put the magazines on the bookcase but when I have hot food, I don't want to waste time in getting one off the bookshelf when I can more conveniently have them on the table unless Luna's here.
Dad's yapping again at supper (last night not tonight)
Background:
As I mentioned in March 12 on here Dad's yaps 24/ 7 especially at the supper table to the point I will occasionally explode because I can't really take multiple nights of it in a row which is what I always have to do of Dad's never ending supper or otherwise yapping. I forget what he was talking about last night, but he seem to talk the entire supper until Mom left the table and I got very close to loosing my temper (again) off Dad's yapping last night.
Story
Before supper I had a bit of a tantrum (that Dad probably heard) and it was like "if Dad takes 20 miles per hour tonight like usually, I'm taking my food upstairs." "It just I can't constantly deal with Dad's always hogging the supper conversation." Mom claims I was the only who hogged most of last night's supper conversation, I only had less then 5 mins of it and it was about news. Dad hogged most of it until Mom left the table. So Dad didn't talk much at supper (which made it feel a bit creepy and unusual) And then after supper Mom called me "Little Miss Nasty" due to my before supper tantrum. But come on, I can't keep dealing with Dad hogging the entire supper for 6 (or in the summer 7 days in a row +holidays expect for when Mom and I are elsewhere) and sometimes it's even worse if Luna's at home. So that I have to basically have an omnibus of the latest batch of news because Luna's not in touch with most of the news when she's not at home.