Anxiety around being judged
Hi all,
I have been seeing a new guy who I am getting along with really well, and I feel ready to be intimate with him and actually have plans to invite him over this weekend. I am bisexual and have dated several people, but it would be my first time with a guy. I have planned out what I want to say to him and practiced with my therapist. I also have explored with my own body to help feel less anxious about the physical experience, so I feel more ready in that department too. My main anxiety is just a lot of strong negative prediction thoughts that he may judge me or reject me for my lack of experience, especially since I am a bit older. He seems like a pretty friendly and understanding guy though, but there is just a lot of anticipation right now, and I've been having trouble sleeping from my anxiety.
Thanks,
Day
Just joined and I'm sorry if this is too late, but it's totally understandable to be a but nervous. Just take a deep breath and have fun. If he's more confident, tell him you're new and ask him to guide. Learn what you both enjoy together.
@theoutlawedwoman Thanks. We actually had our date and things went pretty well. I did not want him to guide me though. Actually I felt quite the opposite and prefer to lead and be very direct about what I want, because I have struggled with people putting me down for being inexperienced or "innocent" so what I really want is to be respected as an adult who is confident in many ways and has a graduate degree and wants to feel empowered in my own body and to be taken seriously. I was most nervous about how he would respond than the physical act itself since I have gotten in touch with my own body already.
@Daydreamer47 I went through a unique experience that unfortunately I feel that others who were not "late bloomers" sometimes do not understand. I am grateful now to not carry the societal judgment with me so I can just connect with people. I had an ex tell me that he wouldn't be intimate with someone without experience. I had another tell me that I am a "gold star" which made me so deeply angry and feel insulted. I would really like people to understand the deep anger and hurt pride I felt at being seen as a little girl who is innocent or lacking experience when I am in fact an adult who has many passions and accomplishments, plus I have been intimate and initiated physically with women before. I won't forget how that made me feel and would always take seriously and respect others regardless of how many people they have been with.