Are you 'Out'?
So, there's a whole 'coming out because you like BDSM' thing. I find it rather silly, having to tell people what you're into, but then again, in a healthy relationship, preferences and ideals are to be shared. I myself, I've been hiding this side of me to the world other than one of my close friends who introduced me and another close friend who is rather skeptical... So, I guess this is a thread to discuss if you're 'out' or why you'd rather not tell people.
I don't even think my friends and family know I mastrubate, let alone know I'm into BDSM. I keep it on the down low. I'd only really tell a trusted partner and maybe a close friend if it was brought up in discission
I'm not sure if you should come out in front of friends and stuff like that is a BDSM lover, because it doesn't involve them. It won't change something to them (unlike coming out as gay). The only person you shpuld come out in my opinion is your partner,
My partner and I only tell close friends that have hinted at being into themselves. Otherwise it can cross other individuals limits..not everyone likes to talk about and it can cause a lot of stress and awkwardness among other things for some people.
I am out to my closest friends because I feel like I have a social duty to normalise BDSM. I'm not anywhere near the stereotypical kinkster..
I don't think it's necessary for people that are into BDSM (or another marginalised preference) to 'come out'. I also feel this way about sexuality. It shouldn't matter what you are into, or who you like. If you want to, you can tell people how you feel. If you'd like to keep it private, go ahead. There shouldn't be a problem eitherway. No pressure to come out, no pressure to keep it with yourself.
I'd love to see a world where people don't simply assume who and what you like because you didn't 'come out' yet. For me, it's simple: if I haven't talked to you about it, asked you about it or heard from you about it, I just don't know how you feel. I'll do my best to make no assumptions. That can be hurtful and since everybody's different, assumptions on sexuality, gender identity or sexual preferences are often false.
To me this is the sort of thing you'd mention as much as you'd talk about something mundane - if it comes up, you talk about it, but otherwise you just let it stay silent. No reason to shout about it, but I think that remaining silent about it, or hiding it, creates a negative stigma against the BDSM community.
We just do things a bit differently, no reason to hide.
I think it depends on your level of involvement in the scene. I know a number of people who live the lifestyle 24/7, and it's pretty much impossible for them not to be out. That said, I don't live it 24/7, and I'm still out to most people (including my fiance's family, who were kind enough to let my submissive join my fiance and I the last time we visited). If it comes up in conversation I don't hesitate to add my voice, because I think it's important to normalize BDSM, and because it's not something I feel I should be ashamed of.
I fear they will find it disgusting. Sometimes I joke about it a little but nothing in details or clearly stating I enjoy the BDSM dynamism.
