Can someone help me understand if I am demisexual or graysexual?

I have come across these terms in LGBT forums, but I hesitate to insert myself there because I am heterosexual, and it seems rude to intrude.

I think this may be the answer to half of my marital sex problems. I have generally only enjoyed sexual relationships when the man crafts an experience for me (takes the lead, focuses on creating a good time for me, etc.), whereas I know that some men (including the one I married) see it as only fair that the sexual division of labor be more equitable, or more weighted on the woman's side. They want to light some candles, lie back, and have someone craft an experience for them.

Are we possibly both graysexual? I can't tell if it is simply a matter of misfortune (though it seems funny to phrase it that way) that my first few partners were happy to take the lead, one of them even mentioning that "the point of sex is to please the woman," and that these formative years made me fall into lazy, entitled habits, or if I am in some special category such as "graysexual," by nature.