Failure to launch
Im married, 23. Love him to pieces. He has no issues. Sorry if this is awkward, never posted before.
Only a few times did we participate in coitus before marriage. Despite not doing so, i had really intemded to wait intil marriage. All good, perfectly normal sex. Learned I hated condoms so started BC.
Starting a bit before we got engaged i noticed that things were working different and chalked it up to college stress. (Irregular periods, not getting aroused as easily, whatever)
didnt get better with the summer but didnt get worse. Got married at the end of that summer. Stoked for the honeymoom, not just for consumating the marriage. Not stressed or anything. Someone else did all the hard stuff for the wedding.
Down hill from there. The honeymoon was fun, but not in the bedroom....
Now it seems my sexdrive has become nearly non-existent, and when we try its tight and dry as a bone no matter what we do. No amount of stimulation, forplay, lube, nothin helps.
i have never heard of medical issues that effect both desire and ability gradually in women. I plan to see a doc but also have a slught fear maybe it is somehow a mental problem?
would love suggestions on what I should talk to a gyno about kr maybe some mental excersizes to help. I dont want this to effect my marriage, it is already effecting my mental health.
@MissSkyfall
The first step is to rule out anything medical that is causing this issue. The symptoms you describe could be a number of things and it's best to rule out hormones or a biological reason first. Then, if everything is ruled out from a medical perspective it's time to take a look at some of the mental reasons that might be causing the issue.
Just some suggestions:
You will want to ask the doctor if the type of birth control could cause it.
If you're taking ANY other medications it would be good to disclose it.
If there are hormonal issues, how that can be safely addressed.
With an exam, they will likely request blood work and check to ensure everything is functioning properly.
Next:
The psychological aspect will likely take a long hard look at how you were raised and how sexuality was introduced to you.
They will likely look for any situations where there was sexual trauma OR complete blackout of sexuality or sexual information (otherwise known as extreme sheltering)
Anxiety and depression levels will certainly be assessed. A high amount of anxiety can cause some of the issues you're facing too.
It's very clear that you've really tried with your husband to make this work - so, it's not out of a lack of effort on both of your part. However, sexual chemistry with your partner shouldn't be overlooked. With sex, it's a mutual situation - not a chore or mechanical function.
It sounds like the frustration from you both about the situation itself may have increased the overall problem. That also has to be taken into consideration.
There will be a resolve, there are answers. It will be a journey for you both... and hopefully will be one that brings you both closer as a result instead of far apart.
Good Luck.
