Has he become asexuel or just using sex as a weapon
I'm 41 and have been with my husband for 22 years. We married young and always had amazing sex. Our relationship was very passionate and although we'd also fight a lot , we'd always enjoy make up sex afterwards.
Over the years we had 2 kids, and with the stresses of a mortgage and our jobs, our fights have gotten worst and our sex life no longer exists. I feel cheated as I still want it. He no longer shows me any interest.
If I do or say something that my husband doesn't like, he will ignore me for days or weeks on end. We are currently in a fight now and it has been exactly a month where he refuses to speak with me (following our last arguement) and he's been sleeping on the couch (by choice).
I'm so depressed and neglected. I love him so looking elsewhere for sex isn't an option. But I can't carry on like this.
@dpwil
There are many on this site that are in the same shoes ..... I agree with you that you want and need to connect and believe me even if you still have feelings being ignored and made to feel unwanted and unattractive.
It could be medical as men start to lose testosterone and their urge.....but even if it is medical the neglected spouse does not feel better withe the "it is not you line"
i have a spouse that chose to sleep in guest room and insists nothing is wrong etc and it only makes me mad and i am falling out of love more each day since he refuses to find an answer.
@dpwil Hi. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. This is probably really hard to talk with him about. I’ll offer a book that might help, called Feeling Good Together, by Dr. David Burns. It has worked miracles in two of my relationships where I saw very little chance for hope. This would be something you would read and work through exercises yourself, as opposed to a, “let’s do this together,” type of thing. After working through the book (or most of it anyway) you can approach your husband for a talk. The book is not about sex or specifically about marriage relationships, although married or committed couples are probably most likely audience. But the skills could apply to other family, friends or even business relationships. It’s not a “quick read” but it also is really grounded in understandable and usable skills. It might help restore and even increase the marital satisfaction you had before.
— All the best
I've seen through this group so many people are in the same boat as me. I've asked him many times if we could try marriage counselling but he refuses. I even asked him if he's done with our marriage and if he would want to proceed with seperating but he would just answer for me to do what I want. He knows I wouldn't go through with it. I honestly believe I love him far more than he loves me or why would he keep doing this to me.
I hope it is a testosterone thing. But the ignoring hurts too.
@dpwil The advantage to the book I suggested is that it is kind of the opposite of marriage counseling. It is a way to engage someone in conversation that breaks down their defenses. But it isn’t like they have to know it is anything other than a conversation. Right now you are both just at a standoff, but you’re still talking, and that is all that is required.