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@diligentFan8038

It's incredible frustrating when someone in your life can't and won't meet you needs. And, it sounds like you've been trying to communicate this with him and he's nonresponsible. I know if I was in your position I would feel devalued and really angry.

And sex is a very important part of relating and you shouldn't have to continue to feel this way year after year.

You do seem like you have your mind made up and your feelings are understandable. I guess if he gave you some idea of what the problem is, then maybe you could get some type of help. But sometimes you get tired of waiting and hearing excuses.

Best wishes

MAUS

@diligentFan8038

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I have been married to my husband for 8 years. We have two children. I love him so much he's a wonderful husband and father. Yet our sex life is terrible! It has never been really good even when we were dating but I told myself that he was perfect ( I do understand he has good qualities, but what's concerning on this sentence is the belief of thinking he is perfect. A belief like this can impact someone decisions and actions. You had the belief he was the perfect, so this will make you put your needs seconds, perhaps tolerate mistreatment, and staying longer than you need to) and that sex is important but it's not everything. (This is your way to suppress your needs and wants on order to be with this "perfect" person, so as you can see beliefs are quite powerful. You feel he is perfect, so you will end up making it all about him) It's been eight years and every time we have sex I still have to show/tell him what to do. (This must be quite frustrating at times because it's like things are not improving, This is a sign you are not enjoying this part of the relationship) I had to completely readjust what I enjoyed sexually for him because I didn't want to pressure him. (This is your way of suppressing your needs and wants, while making it all about him. I truly feel it should be about what the both of you like, and finding a common ground where you both can agree) I feel like I am going to end up having an affair with someone anyone at this point. I don't want that I don't want to cheat on my husband. (This is like trying to put tape on a very big wound. This marriage doesn't seem to be working, you don't want to lose his companionship, so you are thinking of cheating as a way to potentially solve this. The issues will be there even if you go through this because both sides are pretty much ignoring the reality that things are not working out) I've talked to him about how I feel. He says he will work on it but it never gets better. (He is not taking your feelings into account and giving you empty promises. Your needs are not being met on this marriage, and you will continue to feel miserable if you don't recognize they are very important to you) I've asked him if we could have an open marriage and he shot that down quickly. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm at the point to where I don't want sex with him when we do I want to to end ASAP. (You have a powerful belief of "He is perfect and amazing", so you will end up tolerating the fact all of this is making you feel neglected, unwanted and that your needs are not being met. This will also make you stay in a marriage where you don't feel satisfied, how long are you going to do this?. This situation has not improved in 8 years, are you going to stay with a person with whom you have express your feelings countless times and has not work on this?)