I fear intimacy

I just have no idea what my sexuality is. For a while I thought I was straight but a late bloomer. Then bi. Then asexual. Then possibly asexual possibly lesbian.

I've never had a libido. Ever.

I fear intimacy and am repulsed by the idea of having sex. If I masturbate I never orgasm and just feel disgusted when I stop.

I'm a very anxious person, I like to always have control of a situation and I wonder if Im just repressing my feelings because sex makes you vulnerable and you lack a level of control.

Im so so confused and I dont want to be alone forever. But right now I reject people so easily, and flirting or looking for a relationship comes in phases and almost feels like an act thats hard to maintain.

Am I the only one like this. Does anyone have explanations for why I could possibly feel this way?