I feel like I'm not doing enough
My boyfriend and I have been together since the 6th grade. We lost our virginity in sophomore year of high school. We've moved in together and have done a lot of experimenting on toys and fetishes. But I always feel like I'm letting him down. I've never had an orgasm. We've tried lots, and I believe it may be a combination of my medication or something physically off about me. That doesn't bother me, but because of it I typically have a lower sex drive and am less enthusiastic about sex. He really enjoys it and always makes sure that I am enjoying it too, but sometimes I just feel like I'm an object. He doesn't mistreat me or only use me for sex. He is always super encouraging and supportive, he's helping me get through college and always makes time for me. But sometimes when he is being handsy I just feel like a piece of meat. I don't want to dossapoint him, he's done so much for me and I do love making him happy. I just wish I could enjoy it as much as he does. I'm much more submissive in the bedroom and enjoy him being in charge and telling/forcing me to do whatever he wants. Usually if I get feeling low when he is wanting me, I can push it aside and enjoy it as best as I can. Tonight I was going down on him, he'd ask me a question (relating to sex) and let me up to answer it. If I was "good" he had a wireless vibrator he would buzz. If I was "bad" he would hold my head down for a few seconds. I was enjoying it but he asked some like "have you looked up any more things to try?" And I have done it a lot. He is always wanting to try new things and I'm open to them. I've been wanting to find a girl for a threesome, I've gone on some apps to see if I could but I have such bad anxiety I could never ask someone if they were interested. He said he didn't like ym answes and "punished" me. For some reason this just really hit me and I actually started crying. I know he was disappointed but of course he stopped and we called it a night. I just feel like such crap. I shouldn't, but I can't stop it. Just wanted to get this off my chest. Any other girls who have had issues with reaching orgasm (especially any on antidepressants) do you have tips? I plan on talking to my doctor if I can but any other help would be appreciated. Thanks again.
This is not only a girl thing, when we are taking antidepressants we have a really low sex drive both man or women. But from your message i’m noticing a few things, your boyfriend doesn’t seems to empathic and he doesn’t seem to understand what you are going through. Maybe you should have a real conversation with him and talk about how you are feeling, this may be the cause of your anxiety regarding the sex. Be sure that you are properly treated, it will help you a great deal with your anxiety. I hope this could help. Stay safe!
Thank you so much for your message. He does his best to be understanding and has helped me so much, but he doesn't process emotion like most. He isn't completely unfeeling, but he doesn't feel sadness often and can control him emotions (besides anger but he has gotten much better) really easily. He is always there to hold me and calm me down from a panic attack, but genuinely can't understand how emotions can get that intense for no real reason. I am going to talk to him and I'm starting up a journal again to help myself improve.
@theoutlawedwoman Have you explored with toys and such when you are alone or just when he is there? When I first started exploring masturbation I had to look up some diagrams which may seem silly but worked for me. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this on 7 cups, but women have two "spots". I would recommend exploring completely on your own to help find what you like so you can tell that to him and advocate for yourself.
It sounds like you are exploring a lot some bdsm stuff which is great, but if you feel that certain aspects are not for you or that you would like things to be more equal definitely speak up, even if it has to be through a letter or message. The "punishing" thing seems like a particular kink thing, but if that triggered you it is definitely ok to say you weren't into it.
Yeah, I have a couple toys for myself and have used them alone while he was on a trip, but couldn't even get myself there. We take turns being in charge, he always respects any boundaries I set. I do plan on doing some research to see if maybe there's a good way to get myself there. Thank you for your reply
@theoutlawedwoman That's good. You will figure it out over time definitely. (Not sure if this is tmi for 7cups, but I have the best luck with starting with the clitoris by stimulating the outside of my body above the vagina.)