I need to confess and help sort through some emotions
I'm a 51 year old man. I'm a professional. I usually strive to live a life of integrity.
I recently screwed up big time.
A little background. I've been with a 54 year old woman my significant other for 14 years and I love her dearly. We are very close and try to really take care and love each other. She recently had an aggressive form of cervical cancer and required 2 surgeries in 4 months. She had a hysterectomy and the second surgery was removal of all the lymph nodes in her pelvis. Thankfully this got all the cancer and she didn't have to do chemo or radiation. Needless to say we didn't have very much sex for several months. We did really get a lot closer and I know she knows I love her.
Now to the part were I screwed up. There is a 26 year old woman who I had met professionally on 2 occasions. We got to talking and she is a horse trainer and starting a horse related business. I grew up on a horse ranch but haven't ridden in many years. We had a few great conversations.
Well one day I was out to lunch on my lunch break and she noticed me by myself and came and sat with me. We starting talking again and basically comes right out and says I have had a hard crush on you for about a year. I told her I was in a relationship and that I was too old for her anyway. She responded with look your really handsome and kind and I know your in a relationship but I want just a taste of you. At least just once. again I told her I was flattered but I didn't think it was a good idea. By the way she is drop dead gorgeous.
I walked her to her car and she grabs me and lays a very passionate kiss on me. At this point I caved and started kissing her back. We kissed for a bit and then she grabbed my crotch. I was in shock believe this was happening. I cut it off plus I had to get back to work.
She calls me the next day and says meet me for coffee and we will go for a walk to talk about what happened. So we get coffee and go for a walk on some secluded trails and talk ag
Sorry about the break for some reason it wouldn't let me continue.
So we are walking and talking and she pulls me off the main trail to smaller trail to a secluded area she said she wanted to show me something. She took to a beautiful small lake. Then she begins to kiss me again. She starts massaging my groin again and she is wearing a short dress no bra and no panties and has a condom. So we ended up having sex. I know I'm responsible for my own actions and she didn't force me to do anything but this all happened so fast my head is spinning. The sex was amazing, passionate, intense and she was very beautiful but at the same time empty compared to the sex I have with my SO. We broke things off the next day. She basically said what we did was wonderful and beautiful but that we shouldn't see each other anymore. She said you have something special with your SO and you'll thank me latter for stopping things now. I have to admit I felt desired and alive like I hadn't felt in a long time. I couldn't believe this young beautiful woman wanted me. On the other hand I'm having tremendous guilt. I'm also really disappointed in my self. I really love and care for my SO and never wanted to do anything to hurt her. I have not told her but I won't lie to her either if she ever asks me.
Should I tell her?
You definitely should. She may be mad at you but wont be mad at you forever. Or you could just let the guilt bottle inside of you forever.
It really depends on your relationship and your individual personalities but at least consider this non-obvious possible answer:
No.
This is not the time or the place to tell her that.
Telling her might relieve you of your guilt but it will come at the cost of handing the bad feelings over to her.
You can make amends. You can learn from this. You may want to confess at some point, but "coming clean" is not a solution in and of itself.
You may not be a victim but I think the younger woman did take advantage of you and your vulnerability.
I have heard before that infideility can often occur in situations like yours. That doesn't make it OK or right, but it might help to know when something is part of a larger pattern with many factors coming together.
@frankCherry5217
I suggest you to move on. It happened but it shouldn't have! That's it.
Why are you thinking to that? Can you change it? Past is past. If you felt guilty afterward, first: don't do it anymore. Second: don't keep the feeling with yourself anymore ( neither feeling guilty nor the enjoy of sex)
The best way is to move on.
Frank,
Tell her, you'll feel better. maybe not at first but it will get better if both are willing to work through it. Yes one mistake can mess it all up but those 14 years with your wife mean so much more than a one time thing. I recently had to fess up about something like this to my other half.