Is it okay to be into DDlg?
So, I've been into ddlg for a little while and yesterday I decided(for whatever reason)to look at anti-ddlg blogs online. And taking the time to read WHY people dislike ddlg, makes me feel bad because I can completely understand where they are coming from. Most criticizers argue that ddlg doesn't take into account how survivors of childhood sexual abuse from an adult would feel, and how triggering it could be seeing ddlg everywhere(like on instagram, tumblr, etc). As someone that was also molested as a child(however by another child) in kindergarten, I completely understand their frustrations.
In general it just makes me question if this kink is healthy to engage in, because of my own history, but also because of how it affects others. I would never do this kink in public because I wouldn't wanna make others uncomfortable(and I just think it's inappropriate), but I don't know, I just feel like a creep now for liking this stuff 
@Hellokatie930
Just to hit upon the point you made. "Most criticizers argue that ddlg doesn't take into account how survivors of childhood sexual abuse would feel" this really is an extremely weak argument for a number of reasons. So first of all DDLG doesn't have anything at all to do with child sexual abuse, it's a fully consensual agreement made between two adults that doesn't in fact impact anyone else's lives. There's also no evidence I know of that supports this claim either, it appears to be just conjecture which can safely be dismissed. Secondly to say that DDLG should take into account survivors of child sexual abuse is akin to saying that people who enjoy rough sex, for example, should take it to account the effects of rape victims, or that people who enjoy BDSM practices should take into account the effects of torture victims. These are quite literally ridiculous statements that are comparing oranges to apples. They might be the same shape but they're completely different things.
So lets just take the facts and throw out any conjecture to find out if DDLG bad. Since I'm not always great at explaining things I'm just going to link this article which I feel explains everything that needs to be said: https://www.wattpad.com/233538082-the-ultimate-dd-lg-guide-what-is-dd-lg
Nothing here describes anything like what I would consider child sexual abuse, or abuse of any kind in fact. We see again all actions between two adults are 100% consensual, wanted, agreed upon and expected. The problem really is with these SJW types getting offended for other people, they see childlike + adult = pedophilia, and their immediate thought I can only imagine is "This vaguely looks on the surface like abuse. Quick, I better renounce this before someone thinks I'm a pedo!".
Honestly if you go looking for negative opinions then for sure you're gonna find them. But when it comes to if something is good or bad, think about if they have good reasons to think so, do they have any reasons at all? Do they provide any reasonable argument for the claim they make? Is there any empirical evidence to support their claims? What are their sources, are they reliable? Chances are the answer is no to all of these questions and they likely have some kind of agenda. The facts are that there's no evidence that DDLG promotes child sex abuse, pedophilia that's acted upon, or anything of the kind and you can safely dismiss their nonsense.
Finally!! Is this kink healthy to engage in? The answer is, it depends on your relationship. It does not effect anyone else but you and your partner, so it can only be unhealthy if it effects either you or your partner in a detrimentally negative way. I understand how you're feeling though, you're definitely not a creep, in fact I think it's infinitely more creepy for complete strangers to want to be involved in other peoples sex live and dictate what they do in the privacy of their own homes. Anyway, I've ranted on enough!
I sent you a message so if you want to discuss things further you can get back to me! I hope this helps.
@SentryTheDefiant
yes thank you! What you said is totally right! I for one participate in the kink and i feel that its an okay thing to get into as long as its perfectly okay between the two. If there is a mutal consent then i for one think its perfectly okay.
@SentryTheDefiant Well said. A lot of the time people who engage in this form of roleplay ARE survivors of early childhood trauma. There is a point in saying that it can be very detrimental to some, but this depends (like you said) on the relationship. This topic in general is very broad and lumped together and seen as a general catchall.
Yes, people who handle it poorly can do damage to sensitive and impressionable minds that have been damaged. But handled properly it can truly help a scarred psyche deal with trauma by replacing associations. Behavior that has been habitualized and programmed to be associated with pain and violence can be re-associated with compassionate care.
Again, it's a broad topic and ranges from very unhealthy behavior like relating violent sex with a childlike mind state. To instances of true mental and emotional regression. To some this is not a game. It's not something they do to get their rocks off. Some people truly, due to said trauma, regress I to a childlike state regardless of who they are with or how it is handled.
Healthy examples would be to separate the behavior into categories. Ages, if you will. In one state there can be no violence or sex. Only innocent care. In another, older mind state there can be intimate contact and discipline. I've been married to a woman who survived SEVERE physical and sexual abuse as a young child and I assure you... The need to feel cared for and loved and assured of safety and comfort is not just for kicks and giggles. It's necessary to maintaining and inspiring healthy emotional habits.
Yes... Some men get off on pretending to hurt children. Others tho benefit from the feeling of worth and valued. The concept of being needed and a caretaker and provider for those they love. So the question of "is it healthy? Is not a yes or no. It's a spectrum of intention vs behavior that can be right or wrong or anywhere in-between. Two broken people often become dependent this way.... That, I see as one of the biggest dangers of even the healthy form of this behavior.
A whole other story is those who just like to dress up and play roles strictly for sexual gratification. There isn't anything wrong with this in itself, but it can lead to forming associations that are a pretty deep rabbit hole. There isn't anything wrong with em being a sub. Or a dom. Or even playing roles like incest or teacher/student kinks. Pretending to be a 4yo being railed by their father reinforces dangerous associations and can open old wounds that will never heal again.
Bottom line. Be responsible and thoroughly think through what is good, and what is too far.
@Hellokatie930 If you want an honest answer, this is a very bad thing, nothing good or healthy can possibly come from it in any way. If you just want to feel better about it and forget about good arguments then what I say won't be really important.
@Imaginativa2930 I'd like to politely disagree. Yes, for some people it can be unhealthy but if boundaries and communication are put into place and it's mutually beneficial for both parties, it can actually be quite good for emotional health and can significantly strengthen relationships. DDlg can allow for lots of emotional intimacy and vulnerability and can actually make partners more trusting of and in tune with each other.
@VinylFly It is unhealthy in general. It not only involves representation of illegal activities, also, a person who can't take care of themselves need help to understand how to take care of themselves to have a healthy life. Giving someone else all the control it's unhealthy and you never know when the other person is a predator which is very normal in such thing.
@Imaginativa2930 I think you might be misunderstanding things a bit. DDlg is a relationship style that involves two (or more, much love for the poly people out there) consenting adults engaging in behaviour that may be child-like but it doesn't involve actual minors or any sort of illegal activities. As well, in the majority of cases, it doesn't actually involve someone giving over complete control to another and having one partner take over another's adult needs and responsibilities. That's quite an unrealistic expectation for one partner to place on another. It's actually common for both partners to assume the caregiver role for one another at times. As with every relationship, there are gives and takes. DDlg is more about a need to feel safe, protected, and emotionally nurtured as opposed to having someone else take over your day to day responsibilities. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be safe and nurtured, that's a natural human desire. Some just enjoy expressing and fulfilling these desires in ways that are more literal than others.
As for predatory behaviour, that is the case with some DDlg relationships but not all. Sure the risk can be slightly higher than average in the DDlg population due to the emotional vulnerability that's involved with someone assuming a child-like ("little") role (I don't have any sources or statistics for this, merely observations and years of experience being a member of the kink and alternative lifestyle community). However, predators can be anywhere and anyone can become a victim, even people assuming more caregiver-type ("mommy", "daddy", etc) roles. This video does a good job of explaining what this looks like and why it happens. Predators and abusers are not exclusive to DDlg. They can be found anywhere, regardless of lifestyle choices.
@VinylFly It seems you are confusing ddlg with age regression which is an actual coping method. Ddlg or cgl is always going to be related to ageplay which is representation of illegal activity and abuse, that community damage age regressors and trauma survivors as it brings flashbacks and is unhealthy in general as it sexualize kid stuff and childish behaviors. If after this you are going to continue to defend such community please stop interacting with me, on the other hand, if you wanna talk about age regression I'm open to talk.
@Imaginativa2930 It's not our place as a community to judge and critique what other folks do in their private time. We are here to support and empower. If it's not hurting them or anyone else and it makes them happy, then all the power to them even if it may make us uncomfortable and provokes strong emotions. Remember...their kink is not our kink and if we are not okay with it, all we have to do is walk away. This goes for any sort of interest and not just DDlg. In the wise words of Thumper "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." <3
@VinylFly As I said before if you are going to defend a community that affects others and involves representation of abuse do not interact with me. It's not your place to tell me what not to say. I can stand for what I think. Bye.
@Imaginativa2930
DDLG is a fantasy roleplay. Again, fantasy. And a roleplay. Between two consentual partners.
I always say if it happens in the bedroom and does NOT hurt others, then is no one else's business to judge.
This is the same as to say "oh everyone that likes bondage likes to be beatened up!!! Is promoting physical abuse!" when it has huge boundaries set by both partners, and obviously if someone touched that person big consequences would show up.
DDLG is always with consent, respect (for each other and not hurting others), and quite honestly is more about the dominant/submissive type of thing. Is also about someone feeling all cutesy and being taken care of. These people aren't in bed thinking of children. If they did would be called pedophilia, which should be treated.
Is rather sad to see lack of information and poor judgment, instead of an open mind.
I've participated in DDLG (not anymore) and I absolutly love children, the thought of a kid being hurt makes my blood boil. Aka I enjoyed a fantasy scenarion where no one was hurt and obviously wasn't think of children, even mentioning pedophilia makes me want to throw up because I can't imagine an actual adult hurting someone so innocent.
But by your comments you're going to guilt trip me into me expressing my sexuality. You're going to say that I'm promoting child abuse.When in fact is healthy, helps me cope with my life (and actual abuse I've had) and is not hurting anyone.
If you're against it, fine. Up to you honestly. And I get why someone would be unconfortable, because hey, is not what they dig in sexually. But don't guilt trip people if they're not hurting anyone and it helps them in their daily life.
p.s- age regression IS indeed related to DDLG. Is a coping mechanism but is linked to it. Also not everyone uses it. DDLG is super diverse, some people just like the terms "daddy" and such, others like to dress up, etc. All kinds of stuff.
@Booklover95 I'm not even going to read all that stuff. I know well how hurtful is that. I only came to see if the obne who wrote the thread was looking for a coping method and unfortunately got into this. I don't care about people who defend it as if it wasn't what it is and spreading misinformation that damages actual coping methods as age regression. Stop interacting with me if you actually know about the boundaries you talk about when you defend this.
@Imaginativa2930 you very obviously do not understand this topic at all. Yes .... It can be very unhealthy if handled improperly, but sex as a whole can as well. For that matter ANYTHING can be unhealthy if handled wrong.
Your stance here is EXTREMELY unhealthy. The refusal to make even the most cursory attempt at listening or understanding the topic you so adamantly decry is a sure sign of a narcissistic and discriminate mindset. It's perfectly ok to take a hard stance on something... As long as you understand it.
Generally, people who do this have categories that separate innocent care and support from sexual fantasy. A girl wanting to feel cute or pretty and loved is normal. Indulging in fantasy, regardless of the nature, can be a tool used to control habitual behavior.
@Imaginativa2930
So what you're saying is that if anyone disagrees with you then you're not interested and you don't care about how anyone else feels about it unless they conform to your ideals. Well I'm sorry but this is a forum used for discussion and support, not a place for you to spread hate, misinformation and shame. You're welcome to your judgemental opinions but don't bring them to a place of support when you're so clearly not willing to do either.
@Hellokatie930 No you're not a creep and there's nothing wrong with liking what makes you happy as long as it's not hurting you or anyone else and you are not exposing it to others inappropriately which it sounds like you are quite conscientious of not doing. There, unfortunately, is a ton of stigma surrounding DDlg and it is highly misunderstood by many people leading to all those nasty, judgemental things being said about it. Contrary to popular belief, if the relationship is supportive and healthy, DDlg can actually be quite empowering and therapeutic for those who have experienced abuse as a child because it can allow them to take control of, process, and heal from the past.
Here's a little something for you:
@Hellokatie930
At my eyes is not wrong.
Is a roleplay type of fantasy. And like any fantasy is...well... a fantasy! Is NOT real. Is not promoting pedophilia. Is simply a fantasy.
Let me compare this to a rape fantasy. Doesn't mean the person wants to be raped, is all a fantasy.
In all of these fantasies there's boundaries
@Hellokatie930 let me put it this way for you. There will always be haters and people who get offended over anything you do in your life regardless what you do. Giving money to a homeless guy or helping out volunteering to just opening a door for an elderly person. Someone will be offended and start hating on you for it.
As someone who was sexually accused as a kid by two men and me being a guy. It triggers me when I see two guys in public kiss. Became it brings back memories of the abuse I had done. But I keep it to myself and I move on. Who am I to made them stop. When I can easily just remove myself.
Next thing I'm going to say is do what makes you happy and what you enjoy doing, stop trying to live a life where you please everyone because it wont happen and you'll end up being miserable and hating yourself and your life. You just be you. You do you. You just focus on you. To heck with haters and judgemental people, they have no right to judge you for anything. They don't know you they don't know went you been through in life they have no right to judge.
Just love yourself and be yourself and don't worry about others.
@Hellokatie930
Loving ddlg doesn’t make you a creep, especially when you’re thoughtful about consent and boundaries; it’s like a secret fantasy world you get to explore safely.
Just make sure your play stays behind closed doors, where it can be hot and guilt‑free?
