Let's Talk About Sex
Glen's recent post about Sex and Sex Chats has turned into a gathering place of questions about sex - what's normal, how to deal with certain issues, what resources are out there, etc., which tells me that this is a topic on a lot of people's minds that they aren't finding a space to discuss.
So here it is! Let's do it. Let's talk about sex.
What are your questions, concerns, ideas, resources, etc.?
So yesterday I took plan b. And today I messed around with my boyfriend. Is it still effective? He started fingering me inside but I'm afraid he might have had some stuff on his finger before he did but I don't think so.
@emotionjet1taylor - The best person to ask about effectiveness of a Plan B is a pharmacist, and they can give you all the details. I'm not sure if it's still good a day later, but it does sound like if he was only using fingers, you're probably okay. But if you're concerned, definitely talk to an expert about it! :)
Hey taylor.♡
I don't know anything about birth control or stuff like that, except all the very bad side effects, but anyways...
If sperm comes in contact with air, it's no longer... good. You can't get pregnant from his finger being in you even if it was filled with his sperm @emotionjet1taylor
bump bump bumpity bump!
Hi im new here and i have a question. So I was born with a birth defect. I have crazy hormones and high testosterone (high T). I cum to balance it out otherwise I have issues from high T. But my ex fince left me saying I don't need sex that I'm addicted to it and that its all in my head and she left me. We didn't have sex for a month and she wouldn't let me watch porn or masterbate so my testosterone got really high and I started to gain weight and looked like I had tits. The doctor gave me a pill to help and It helped with the side effects but they couldn't figure out a way to keep my testosterone down. I am unable to have kids and all I wanna do is have sex and cum all the time. What can I do to drop my testosterone? Do you think it's all in my head? Do you think as my fiance well now ex she should have helped me or is it really "not her job or problem"? Idk what to do an I have anxiety, depression, and so many other problems on top of that. I just need some advice ig...
edited for language by: mscoxie
@shizel
I've never heard of this personally but make you could see a sex therapist? Either alone or together if that's an option (if she's willing to work on it before walking away for good)
Okay now as a woman my first thoughts are like you don't "need" sex to be fulfilled. And I think it would be hard to deal with as far as being your partner. She may feel like she's not enough for you etc. Imagine if it was the other way around and you didn't want to constantly have sex so she was masturbating a lot. She may feel insecure thinking you would cheat on her to get some more on the side because she can't satisfy you. Also consider for women it's usually more than just something that feels good like a massage, it's like bonding and showing you she trusts you by letting you into her innermost parts (literally lol). And we get sore a lot faster.
I'm not saying anything is in your head but there are ways to include your partner while your masturbating like both of you giving hand jobs, 69, letting her watch you masturbate while looking at her not porn (if she wants & even taking turns watching each other), watching porn together of she's into that, or even being discreet about it like only when she's not around or when you're in the shower. Maybe tantric sex?
You may need to find a girl who's freaky in bed lol ;)
I mean. I'm pretty sure I know the answers to my concerns. But I'm real new to 7 cups and it still sort of weirds me out. But. I would like to voice them and maybe find some company in my feelings.
Im a Christian, virgin, and a boy, but if the right person was ready to have sex with me, I think I'd be fine. But sometimes like now, there is a girl I'm talking to who'd probs just never ber okay with it until marriage. I respect the ideal.
The tricky part is just that I feel like I experience so much sexual tension in myself on a daily basis. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think my stress levels and maybe even depression may get better if I have sex.
@sincereTurtle842 - Those are very normal feelings to have - sexual frustration can be, well, frustrating! And it can occur even if you're not sure you want to have sex or if you respect why you aren't having it. What about sex do you think would make you feel better / reduce stress levels, etc.? If it's the biological side (e.g., the orgasm) itself, there are options (masturbation) that can get you the release you are looking for and hopefully relieve some of it. If it's something else (the connection with someone, a notion of what you 'should be doing', etc.), that's something else we can talk about that may end up not having sex as the answer to. What do you think makes you feel like it would help?
@Anomalia
good question. I definitely think it's the connection and even adventure of exploring a new thing that everyone but me seems to have experience in. Well. Not everyone. But you know what I mean. I'm 23 and a virgin and it's easy to feel embarrassed about that/nervous to even have sex for fear of being too far behind.
So it's both connection, feeling left out, and maybe even just a little bit of insecurity of my ability. Ha.
@sincereTurtle842 - I think those are all very natural feelings and ones that a lot of people go through at one point or another. I know when I was 23, I was also a virgin and convinced that everyone else was out having sex and I was the weird one who was behind, but I actually know a ton of people who waited as long or longer than I did.
At the end of the day, whenever it is time, it will feel right and if you're having sex with someone who cares about you, they won't mind that you're inexperienced. Frankly, sex is a little different with each partner, so there's always a learning curve of figuring out how you work together and what you each like, so it's okay if the first time isn't perfect - that's normal!
As for the connection side of it, that to me is the one piece that can be solved without sex. Wanting to be close to someone makes perfect sense, but there are a lot of ways outside of sex to feel close to someone and to have something really special. Exploring with a partner what you each enjoy and what makes you feel special or lets you show each other love can be an exciting thing. That could be massages, cuddling, doing an activity together, cooking for each other, or any number of other awesome things. Relationships, sex, and so many other things come down to what works for you and your partner much more than any right or wrong thing! :)
you most definitely shouldn't be embarressed because you haven't had sex yet. Being a virgin ( especially if it's because of religion reasons or your own morals) is good and something you should be proud of.
being a virgin, doesn't make you less awesome
Being a virgin doesn't make you less attractive
Being a virgin doesn't make you uncool
Being a virgin doesn't make you immature. In fact, it is a lot more mature to be able to make a decision not to have sex and stick with it.
Being a virgin, is in NO WAY bad
Besides... if you wait, I am sure you will find a woman who admires the fact that you are still a virgin. Perhaps a woman who also waited and then you can be her first.
@sincereTurtle842
Hey @sincereTurtle842
Firstly..great news that yoy are still a virgin. I know it's hard ( especially in todays world)
Secondly.m there are many great ways to get rid of stress and sex is not one of them
Thirdly.. as a christian I am sure you would want to do what God wants, and God doesn't want you to have sex. in the bible there are many Bible verses stating that premarital sex is wrong. ( i could send you some of the verses if you like)
Sex were created for a marriage and only for a marriage. GOD didn't tell us not to have sex to be spiteful, He told us not to have sex because it is what is best for us. Sex creates an amazing bond between a man and a woman, an unbreakable emotional bond, and if you have sex with someone, that person will always be a little part of you, and you won't be able to completely move on and completely commit to your wife.
Trust me, premarital sex will ruin your life. It will be worth it to wait
Sorry if this sounds judgemental, I don't mean for it to be ( I am not judging you or anyone else). I know waiting can be hard, people often think waiting to lose my virginity is easy, but i am not perfect, sometimes it's not easy, sometimes I get horny, but I wait because I know waiting to have sex is the best option
don't lose your virginity.
Focus on your relationship with God, prepare to be the best possible husband you can, and just wait. it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
all of the best to you.
Im female and I consider myself a really sexual person. I masturbate almost daily, I also enjoy watching porn. It makes me relax, lower stress. Anyway, i wish I could have a sex partner (which I dont because I dont have bf for 3 months now).
The problam is, when I was in this relationship, I put on a lot of weight (birth control spiral...). I dont feel as sexy anymore. And I dont think men are attracted to me as they were. I was dancing before and and had quite a nice body. So now I feel alot more insecure. Do you guys deal with similar things? I just cant get on a diet.. It is very very stressful for me. I wish to feel beautiful and desired again...
@Holeinmysole - I can absolutely relate! I have gained a decent amount of weight in the last few years and it's absolutely harder for me to feel sexy in my skin sometimes. But what I have realized over time is that there will always still be people who find me attractive, and when I'm able to let go of my own self consciousness and enjoy it, we both have a better time. In particular, when it comes to sex, I used to get really embarrassed by my body and not want someone to see it, but the most freeing thing was realizing that frankly, by the time we're at that point, it's because they are attracted to me, whether or not I am feeling good about my body, and if someone thinks I'm attractive, I should just accept that, rather than try to convince them that I'm not. :)
At the end of the day, even if society tells us that there's only one body that's attractive, most men have a wide range of what they find attractive and while some might have preferred your old dancer body, there are many others who are going to think what you have now is the sexiest thing they've seen!
*bump*
