My Girlfriend might be Ace
My girlfriend and I have been dating for basically a year now. After 3 or so months of dating I went away for college but decided to transfer and I'm now back home. I'm 1 year ahead of her in school so she's finishing senior year. Initially I wasn't all that intrested in being sexual but now I am. I want to be sexual and be more intimate. She says she isn't ready to be sexual because she isn't ready for everything that comes with it emotionally. She says she wants to finish school and wait till after her birthday which is in July. She thinks she might be ace and currently has no sexual desires or feelings. She says she wants to have sex eventually but has no idea when. I love her very much but I guess I don't know what to do. I don't feel like it makes sense to break up right now, especially over sex because she makes me happy in every other way. We do get physical and she likes that. We makeout and cuddle and we'll take our shirts off, but she's not comfortable with anything else.
Any thoughts or advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated.
@Lovingthesugar117
Heyo, while reading your relationship with your girlfriend, you both seem very steady and that's a good thing. If she's not comfortable with sex, I don't think you should force her because sex is a defintely a pretty big step in your relationship. It probably is best to stay in the similar relationship that you are in now. Please don't force her, because she probably knows better about her confidence levels than you are. Just take it easy, and don't worry! She'll be ready one day! You don't really need to break up as you said, your realtionship seems to be going perfectly.
Good luck!
@agreeableBalloon9122
I'm definitely not going to force her to do anything and I always try my best to make sure she's comfortable, but my own desires still exist and don't go away, and It's difficult not to get frustrated or upset.
@Lovingthesugar117
Sure, your girlfriend might be ace. But from what it sounds like, she's just not ready for sex yet. She does like the physical stuff, she's just not mentally ready to go all the way. Wait it out and stay in the relationship would be what I would do. You love her and she seems to love you.
I hope this helps!
@Lovingthesugar117
There's not a whole lot you can do but decide if you can wait for her to be ready or not. You can't rush her or force her to be ready and you wouldn't want to. Rushing being ready for sex (in my opinion) kills the intimacy of it. One of my favorite parts of sex is how comfortable, safe and happy you feel with the person you have sex with.
You just have to decide if you're willing to give her as much time as she needs to figure herself out and what she wants. I understand that it's difficult for you too. Even though you support her, you still have your own desires. So you just gotta decide if you can wait for her (and just try to ignore or tune out your frustrations over your desires) or you can't wait.
I'd wait for her though. It just sounds like she's not ready for the emotional part of it. Sex is a big decision and sometimes it takes time to feel ready for it.
@Lovingthesugar117 good for her. Sex is bad.
@AlphaPheonix4720
Why do you say this?
@Lovingthesugar117 it's a disgusting act that shouldn't exist. It should be wiped off the face of the earth, even if it takes chastity belts or worse to make that happen. It's the destination that matters, not the journey
@Lovingthesugar117 I have never been in this situation so please take my advice with a grain of salt, but as you said you are happy with everything else in your relationship and if I were in this situation I think I would wait and continue talking to her about what she is and isn't completely comfortable with to define boundaries. I know for me sex is important in my relationship, but who knows, you guys could satisfy each other in a whole bunch of different ways that you're both comfortable with and maybe that will work for you guys. I think it might be important to keep an open mind with the situation and see where it takes you both.
My first boyfriend waited for 6 months for me to be ready. If it's her first time then it's definitely a scary thought. Wait until shes completely ready and it will be great I'm sure