My boyfriend doesn
Hello! I am 28 yrs old and my boyfriend is 30. Weve been dating for almost two years. At the beginning of our relationship our sex life was very tame we would do it maybe once every couple of days but I would really have to go for it because he didnt seem very into it. He also did have mono like a month into dating.. So he obviously wasnt very up for anything. After the mono passed we had moved in together. We did everything very quickly and the sex wasnt that great it didnt last very long seemed like he wanted to do it quickly but I told myself at least I have a guy that loves me and he is very caring and affectionate. But then he started to loose his erections.. I really started to think that he wasnt attracted to me and didnt love me.. but he kept trying to reassure me that he did care but the mono must have messed with his hormones. So he went to see a doctor to get everything checked out and he is fine. But we havent had sex in 11 months (the doctors visits were spaced out) and now he says that hes nervous to try again. But I am loosing my mind. I could walk around naked in the house and he wont even get a boner but he did say that he masturbated so everything is fine down there. And when I try to initiate he refuses saying that he doesnt feel like it right now. I dont know what to do or what to think anymore. Should I leave him? Should I stay? Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Looking forward to seeing what you think.
@blueGlobe3155
I know firsthand what it's like to be in a relationship where you feel undesired physically. How are the other aspects of your relationship? Do you guys still "date eachother"- go out, play games, talk.
Could it be a psychological issue he is having? Maybe he needs to talk to someone professional not necessarily from just the medical/phsyical aspect, our confidence is linked to everything we do.
Beyond on that I'd probably cover up, take that pressure of the table and look to rekindle the romance; work on restrengthening that bond and do baby steps- go back to those high school making out days maybe.
In the end though as far as leaving/breaking up that's a decision only who can make an dthe priority of sex/intimacy in your relationship. Don't feel bad if it is a deal breaker for you; you are responsible for own happiness but I would definitely give it one last big try.
Hope this helps.
@ShesAHibiscus we go out sometimes and we do talk a lot I often tell him that I desire him..he also tells me that he loves me all the time very affectionate very sweet to me but we do have a good dialogue about everything. We did also try making out and trying to take it slow, it didnt really go anywhere. I am really happy to know that I am not alone.
@blueGlobe3155
I was in a marriage with no real phsyical intimacy; he was over weight lacked confidenece and coul dnot maintain an erection. We also had other underlying issues though; it was a rushed relationship, I had just lost a parent, we did not really know eachother and honestly I didn't love him. I filed for divorce after less than 2 years.
Suggest couples counselling, and see where that takes you if he's worth it to you.
Good Luck xoxo
@ShesAHibiscus thank you!
@ShesAHibiscus
I am sorry to hear that you are struggling so much right now.
@blueGlobe3155
I understand how you feel. Perhaps you need to asked him how he feel about romance. What he feel will make him feel good and special? Ask him to planned these special times in advance. Maybe he need talk to someone? Who specialized in sex, depression?
I want to be in a relationship and have physical relationship. But I am scared of the physical. I don't know how to change this. I want what I read in the romance book and watch in romance movies. But watching kiss is enought to physically sick.
@selfconfidentTangerine1778 is it because you are scared to be good at it? Or it causes you anxiety? You can always take things slow if you end up in a relationship and talk about these things if the person is right they will understand.
@blueGlobe3155
at least it's just your boyfriend, eh? at least it's not almost every single woman you've talked to.
@blueGlobe3155 LEAVE HIM! what are you waiting for! you are as hot as a pan on stove and he keeps throwing cold water on you! neither do i have any reason to believe that he helps you to grow spiritually or emotionally or sexually! there are many like me who do not have a girl and are waiting for that one consensual chance to unleash the spectre of lust! take care!
I have the same issue. My sex drive does not match my husbands. I want sex all the time, or AT LEAST affection. My husband however is never really bothered with it. He says he is interested but never knows how to go about it. We have been together for 9 years. He has rejected me so much that I dont even try anymore. I ended up having an eating disorder because I thought there must be something wrong with me.
We have spoken about the ‘issue multiple times, and we go to marriage counseling. I have cheated on him several times because I am lonely and feel undesirable. This in turn makes my depression and self hate worse and I am trapped in a bad cycle.
I am 28 and my husband is 35
@BeePeeDeeGirl I am so sorry that you have to go through this also! I dont wish this situation on my worst enemy its sucks and it plays a lot on our self image.. =(
@blueGlobe3155 MASSIVELY! It sucks when you love the person and can
@blueGlobe3155
To me, marriage means that you love that person so much that you are willing to sacrifice to make them happy even though they may be sick. In this case your boyfriend has little to no sex drive. That is the first case of sickness your relationship is dealing with. How both of you handle it will be an indication of how your marriage will turn out. It should point you in the direction if you should stay together or not.
First, I would go to couples therapy. If he cares about you he would agree. I think you'll find your answers there. Delaying this will only make things worse and harder to break up later.
If you ever want to know what it's like being married to someone like this then I suggest visiting ILIASM forum.
BTW, it's very common for women to have husbands with little to no sex drives. It's just never talked about. You are not alone.
@blueGlobe3155 A guy here , saw your post and from a guy's perspective I can think of a few problems (the problems are on his side not your's, believe me) which he might have
1) Excessive masturbation :- A guy when often masturbates then needed loses enough of testosterones to maintain erections and may ejaculate prematurely. This habit gets him used to to jerk off in his hands and therefore makes him habitual of his hand's grip. I know you must be thinking that why would he wanna jerk off when he has a gf more than willing to satisfy his desires, now guys when masturbates for a long time gets addicted to it and after a point it becomes very hard for them to quit untill they dont acknowledge it, your boyfriend may suffer from this addicton. Just talk to him about it, it may cause him discomfort but if he is addicted then tell him to abstain and he will get back his libido.
2) Porn :- A man can be an addict to porn too just like masturbation, mostly both go hand in hand (pun intended). If he has been watching it for a while then the brain of his has gone beyond a point where he gets only aroused by looking naked women on pixels doing absurd kinky stuff, now this effect can be reversed too by abstaining from porn for a while. Talk to him about it.
3) Performance pressure :- He might be avoiding all of this because he might be nervous that he won't be good enough for you, a world where we live today, masculinity today is all about being able to have a greek god body with a fuckton amount of money in your bank account and give your woman multiple orgasms with your obviously huge dick. Now he might be consious about something, so if you make a move next time make him as relax as you can and make him believe there is no pressure.
4) low testosterone :- He just doesn't have enough testosterones, maybe from above mentioned reasons or it could be something to do with his body or something. He might not be doing enough exercise, today where most of the world has a job where they have to sit infront a computer for most part of their day, it does affect their manhood , if he is one of them who isn't doing enough exercise, make him do some physical exercises such as lifting weights or yoga (both are best for increasing testosterones ).Also eating a lot of junk and oily food results in decreasing testosterones eating fruits like beetroot, carrots, pomegranate helps also grean leafy veggies and fish helps alot .
Hope this could help.