My passion is creating a sex positive world. AMA.
I believe no one will ever say it better than John Lennon. Our world is backwards "We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight."
War, killing, explosions and pain are exposed to us daily in the media; but education about our bodies and our sex lives are completely ignored. Nearly everybody in the world has sex, but no one knows how to feel or what to do when they get there for the first time. Everyone feels uncomfortable about making love but perfectly fine discussing a school shooting and THAT blows my mind.
I wouldn't call myself a "sexpert" but I am very passionate about education on sex for everyone.
AMA.
You have no idea how much this speaks to me. Even today, people consider conversations regarding sex taboo or inappropriate (not all people, but many nonetheless). I find it very worrying that more stigma is put on fascination with sex than fascination with violence. Not to mention that lots of personal issues can arise from conflict and repression of sexual preferences and leanings, due to the very inflexible "generally accepted" societal rules and numerous misconceptions and lack of understanding of human sexuality.
How do you plan on creating a more sex positive world?
Which points would you like to focus on?
How can a person benefit from a more sexually liberal world/society?
What do you think are the main reasons behind the present state of things regarding this topic, and have you encountered criticism or opposition in any of your endeavors so far?
I'm so glad there are others who feel this way. I often feel quite alone.
How do you plan on creating a more sex positive world? As of right now, all I can do is take sex chats that others don't feel comfortable with. I try to provide as much information and understanding as I can. In the future, I plan on being a sex therapist. I want to write my thesis on a better sex education for schools and then see if I can get it implemented in the school system here in Canada. I wouldn't mind teaching it if it came down to it.
Which points would you like to focus on? I think that teaching about how our bodies work, what it's like when they connect, where things go (etc) are important because it's nothing we're ever taught. I get so many chats from people who have never had sex and never talked about sex and every single part of it causes panic. Fear of the unknown is a REAL BIG THING in the human race. If people are educated about what is to come, they can make better decisions on what they want and what they don't want. People would feel more empowered to say NO if that's what they want. Really, this is a huge aspect of human life. It's how we stop our species from going extinct. The more we know about it as people, the better off the experience will be.
How can a person benefit from a more sexually liberal world/society?I love these questions by the way!!! I think again, everyone can benefit from a society that is better educated. It's empowering. With less sexual repression, I feel like less sex crime might happen. People would feel more comfortable asking for help or asking questions when need be. I know that a lot of people who need help with a sexual issue have never had anyone to talk to about it and as we all know from being here, talking can solve a lot of problems.
What do you think are the main reasons behind the present state of things regarding this topic, and have you encountered criticism or opposition in any of your endeavors so far?I don't think I'll ever understand WHY "sex" is so taboo. Prostitution is the oldest job in the world. It has the most history and well. . .hell. . .probably the best stories. But what they do is illegal?? Selling is legal. Sex is legal. Selling sex = illegal?? I don't get it. I understand that a lot of people see sex as only an act to create life which is a fine way to look at it. We all need to be comfortable in how we approach the subject and each opinion, although different, is fine to have. If you feel that way, that you should only have sex to have babies, I **STILL** don't understand why you can't educate someone on it. It makes no sense to me. . . . . As far as criticism and opposition: I haven't really had that much opportunity to do anything to fix the problem yet (except on here). People have always had a problem with me and my "free love" mentality but people will always oppose the unknown and different. I'm sure every single person here can relate to that. No matter what fight you fight, there will be someone against it. The best thing you can do is ask why. Learn what they oppose and find a way to make everyone feel comfortable and happy.
Thanks for the great questions!!
Hey there. Please look into those harmed in human trafficking. Please. And the psychological effects of porn. I can link to things if you want. :(
What would you or anyone reading this recommend for someone who would like to chat more about sex and sexuality? I havent used 7cups yet to talk about it because It feels a little strange asking if any of the listeners are comfortabe talking about it. Is there a way to be paired with someone who is comfortable in that area?
Have you ever seen Laci Green's YouTube show?
Love her!
I haven't, but I'll google her when I get home from work!!
I am wondering were you brought up in a family where sex was discussed openly.?
Not at all. My parents didn't have sex at all once my younger sister was born. It was never discussed at all. My mom gave me a book called "Our bodies, Ourselves" or some crap that was well. . . not helpful.
Everything I found out about sex, I found out for myself.
Yesss, sex education.
There's a show calledsexplanationsonyoutube! It's a great educationalyoutubeseries that is hosted by a sex therapist.
This is such a great topic. Sex is so widely used to sell things in the media, yet we can't even understand our own bodies. When people have trouble with sex, no one understands because, as you said, there is not enough education.
What are your views on sex therapy?
I'm currently going to school to become a sex therapist. I think finding someone you feel comfortable talking to is really, really important. Since sex isn't really talked about a lot of people have a hard time approaching their partner with their desires. I want to help people break out of their shell and learn what they want and how to ask for it!
Thanks. How does that work, exactly?
The best way to start anything new!!! EDUCATION!!!
Sit them down in a room together and ask for open and honest question and answer time! If you have a question about what something is or if something is normal now is the time to discuss it. If either of you has a desire to express to the other this is the time to do it, no judgements, no promises of fufillment, this is purely communication and education!!!
I love you so much for bringing up this topic! I completely agree with everything you have said!
At what point in your life did you decide that how you were taught about sex (or not taught as the case may be) was wrong and people should be more open about it?
My mum was 23 when she got married. When she divorced my dad at 50 she had never had sex with anyone else. While I think this is a very romantic concept (when it works), I think that it's important to experiment. Watching my parents live a sexless existance while I educated myself on what makes me happy, I kind of started to pity them both.
Do you recallSue Johanson sometimes referred to as the "sex lady" here in Canada? If so, thoughts?
Do you feel we are becoming more progressive in terms of opendialog regardingsex in education and in mainstream westernsociety?
How will culture and religion factor in a more sex positive world?
Are there any harm orramificationfromhaving a more sex positive world?
Where in the world do you feel there is a severelacking of sex education? Where do you feel it is most progressive?
Since war and violence are usually attributes associated with maleness what can males do to contribute to a more sexpositiveworld?
Have you always been passionate about this topic?
What lead you to come up with this vision of a positive sex world?
Do you recallSue Johanson sometimes referred to as the "sex lady" here in Canada? If so, thoughts? Omg. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Sue Johanson. I aspire to be her! hahahah. We need more Sue Johanson in the world!!!
Do you feel we are becoming more progressive in terms of opendialog regardingsex in education and in mainstream westernsociety?I honestly do not feel that we've made any progress in the right direction. I still personally am unsure WHY abstinance is the only sex education taught to children in schools these days. That being said, outside of school, I've found people in my generation (30 years old or so) are a little more open minded about discussing sex.
How will culture and religion factor in a more sex positive world?Oh boy. This is a hard question to answer. I was raised religious but essentially denounced it at 12 years old. I know that North America is far more likely to branch into a healthy sex positive education world than say, North Korea ;) but I don't believe culture should stop anyone from educating themselves on their bodies and desires.
Are there any harm orramificationfromhaving a more sex positive world?Right now, sex in public (talking about it or doing it) is *so* faux-paux that it would be incredibly difficult for older generations to accept or maybe even adapt. I think this might create a barrier between already conflictinggenerations. In addition, porn actors and prostitutes may have a harder time finding work. . .
Where in the world do you feel there is a severelacking of sex education? Where do you feel it is most progressive?That's a great question. I'm actually very uneducated about other countries as I am only familiar with my own educational background and those I have spoken to about it. Most of these people are North Americans. I know in a lot of Asia the topic is not only not covered, it's highly disrespectful to disucss it in public. I think the whole world needs to take a giant step forward in the sex positive direction and I honestly feel it will benefit everyone.
Since war and violence are usually attributes associated with maleness what can males do to contribute to a more sexpositiveworld?I know this doesn't answer your question, but I don't equate violence or war with manliness. The most violent person I know is in the U.S. Army and is female. However, I encourage everyone, no matter the gender, to educate yourself. Spend time exploring your likes and dislikes. Ask for things you want directly and proudly and enjoy your sex life. ;)
Oh gosh, abstinence-only education is so idiotic. I hope your plans pan out. Maybe some of it will leak into the US...
What are your thoughts on asexuality?
I think if you know you're asexual then you should embrace it as I have embraced my sex-positive lifestyle!! It's all about embracing who you are and living the way that will make you happiest. Judgement and pressure free.
I always knew I liked you <3
Okayyyyy. So I appreciate the intention/sentiment of this post, but it's just my experience as a survivor that sex-positive feminism has been very very triggering for me. I'm sex-critical or something I think. Maybe instead of approaching to "educate" people, you could approach it as "giving people the mic" to speak about their own experiences?
Yes, for many people sex is good, fun, pleasurable. However, it's not that way for everyone, particularly asexuals, demisexuals, survivors, and virgins. Asexuals may not be interested in sex at all, so spreading "sex-positivity" may or may not be alienating depending on the person.
For me, I found that sex-positivty often focuses on physical pleasure and sex as a nonchalant, casual, "fun" and "pleasurable" act. This has been super alienating for me since that doesn't reflect my personal preference. I am more interested in and value emotional intimacy more than sex and that doesn't make me repressed or a prude. I also had the assault, which was traumatic and made me experience a lot of negative and painful feelings about sex. I have found a lot of sex-positivity pages/sites very triggering since my assault. In particular, not saying this is you necessarily, but some sex-positive activists seem to sort of create a group culture that feels a little pushy to me. For example, at the beginning of a performance, they ask the audience to "moan" together. Part of my assault was the person saying "I want to make you have an orgasm. It will feel good" , but I had said no already. Sometimes I feel that physical pleasure is held to such high esteem that no one can imagine why I wouldn't want to have it or that choosing not to is valid.
@Daydreamer47 If you are going to support people who are sexually active and want to be liberated, I think you also really need to be a strong asexual ally, and address ways that people who don't want to have sex or a lot of sex feel broken, prudish, repressed, etc. Do NOT tell someone else what liberation should look like for them. Please DO understand that there are many types of relationships and ways of relating to people and feeling connection to others. Sex is one way among many of relating to others. Please do not equate having a lot of sex with being empowered as a person. It may be that way for some, but not for all.
@Daydreamer47 - I really appreciate the points you have made here, and I agree. To me, sex positivity is a lot like feminism - it's all about choice.
Having a lot of sex if that's what you want should be considered perfectly okay (as long as it is consensual, non-pressured, etc.). Equally, choosing not to have sex or to be focused on waiting for one partner, etc. should also be considered perfectly okay.
What's important is that everyone is able to make their own decisions about what is right for them, rather than being hit with any sort of label (slut and prude are both damaging) or feeling pressured in either direction.
@Anomalia
I agree with you, but in my experience sex-positivity is not adequately addressing the needs of a diverse community in practice. Many others besides me have voiced this. When I hear sex-positive feminists defending the ideology instead of proactively trying to meet the real needs of women, I feel patronized and dismissed, like they think they are smarter than me. I had an assault where I was treated as a body only, and my full worth as q human was taken away. To me sex-positivity reinforces misogyny by focusing on women only with physical needs and not as whole people.
Firstly. . Sex and making love is to very different things. Making love is with the one person you love, the one you want to be with the rest of your life, not every second person that smiles at you.
I do think sex education should be better. People shouldn't be ashamed to talk about sex. Married people shouldn't be ashmed to try new things or to have sex on exciting places,I encourage married people to have a lot more sex, but no one should ever encourage someone to have pre marital sex, most definitely not schools. The only type of safe sex there is is with your spouse.
I do think people should teach teens about the impact of sex. Sex is a lot more than just a physical activity. It is emotional and intimate ( if it was just physical it would not have been worse for a girl to be raped than for her boyfriend to punch her.)
Sex outside marriage is not okay
The chances for divorce in couples who had sex before marriage ( either with each other or with other people) is a lot higher than it normally would be. Sex creates an intimate bond between two people, a bond that will not be broken. That is also why it is so much harder to get over a relationship where sex were involved. There are so many reasons why people shouldn't have pre marital sex.
I am shocked that we live in a world where people encourage other to harm their future relationships. I am shocked that people can be so judgemental against someone who has the courage and self control to wait with sex
There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. There is nothing wrong with waiting. There is nothing wrong with making the right and mature decision.
Being a virgin is awesome
Making a decision to wait is good.
Not having pre mariral sex is for the best * and many psycologists agree)
Sex is the most intimate you can be with someone, emotionally and physically. Don't you want to be your husband's first? Don't you want your husband to be your first? Don't you want to know there is atleast one thing your wife can give you she didn't share with anyone else? A thing only you would ever have? Can't people atleast see the value of sex, and the amazing gift it would be if your spouse waited for you?
Nowadays people make sex of as if it's worthless. Sex could be the best gift you give someone, but that gift is only of value as long as you share it with one person and one person alone.
People should start encouraging teens to wait. Encourage them to stay a virgin. Encourage them to do what is best for themselves and their wellbeing.
Being a virgin is not something anyone should feel ashamed of.
@TallApple138
Parents should discuss sex with their children. Sex should not be a taboo subject. Talking about sex is nothing wrong with, but people shouldn't make it seem like pre marital sex is at all good for you.
I think sex could do wonders for marriages and people should talk to married couples a lot more about having sex and how to spice up their sex life. There is a lot of sex positions and foreplay married couples can and perhaps should enjoy. Sex is very intimate, and can give married couples a new connection. Sex leaves an emotional bond and that is why a husband and a wife should always be sexauly active.
But I am very scared as to where this sex friendly world is leading. Not everyone should be having sex.
@TallApple138
I am very aware of the fact that I will be judged and criticised for my posts, but honestly I don't care. I am virgin by choice and proud of it. And I will always encourage other to wait as well.
@TallApple138
@TallApple138 - I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, and I applaud you for making your own decisions and being proud of them. But I disagree that waiting until marriage is the only right way to be.
Some people are not interested in marriage - should they never live a sexually fulfilled life? Relationships do not have to exist only in one way and are not only healthy if they are created on certain circumstances. Nor does virginity need to be a gift that is given. It belongs solely to the individual, and it's up to that individual what they think is right for them.
I absolutely respect that for many people, sex is a very intimate and personal thing that they want to wait for until marriage. But I also respect that for others, it's not something they want to wait for, and I reject the notion that it inherently damages their future relationships or that their future relationships should be the sole determinate of their actions.
I don't judge you for your opinions on your own sexuality, but I also ask that you not judge others for their choices.
