Overcoming cheating
I have been with my partner for over 10 years and during our relationship, I have found he cheated several times though cybersex and was addicted to porn, after several fights I learned that he was traumtized sexully at a young age and although I am trying to be supportive, I feel deep down inside that I have steped down too easily. Although we are both in a good place after long discussions but I am still facing personal issues about my confidence towards sex, looks and frustration about all the past events. I feel like I owe myself something from this experience without considering his feelings? I thought of cheating myself, but couldn't do it. Not sure what to do??
Hi. I’m sorry to hear that you went through something like this
If you want to talk about it I’m here
@creativeScarf7913
The past events have caused you to produce self-doubt. Two wrongs do not make a right, and you'll find that if you decide to engage in an affair, the likely result will probably feel more disgusting to you than liberating and freeing. If anything, it will cause more distance between you and your partner because it will layer in another secret that must be kept. This destination doesn't go anywhere good, for you or him.
These issues:
- Confidence Towards Sex
- Appearance (looks)
- Frustration about Past Events
They are all you. Not him.
Good news? They are all workable.
First, confidence about sex and your appearance can all be addressed by engaging in an exercise program. Studies point to the fact that even just 30 minutes of exercise a day increases our metabolism, appearance, confidence and release hormones that help us to feel good, naturally. Plus, it gives you a mission, something to feel proud of, and a sense of accomplishment, a hobby - instead of dwelling.
Lastly, frustration with past events - remember that none of those past events can be changed. They are permanent and done. We learn our lessons, we move ahead. That does not mean we just forget them but, we need to make lessons learned a huge part of past situations - because dwelling on what happened without any learning is destructive, mentally and emotionally.
Forgive him, and then forgive yourself. This doesn't mean that what he did was right. It means that you both work together as a team to ensure that you are able to stay on the proper path, void of repeating past mistakes.
Dwelling can kill what you both share, pretty easily, and he doesn't have the ability to go back and fix what happened, no matter how badly he would like to do so. Come to terms with that.
Oh, and you both may make mistakes again in the future. Consider that. How you both work together as a team to deal with those situations when they happen makes all the difference, especially long term.
