Panic attack before sexual activity

Hello everyone, I hope you all are doing okay today ♥︎ Today I just want to talk about something that happened to me last night.

Ive been dating an old friend of mine for about 3 weeks now, and things are going very well. Hes kind and loving, and I feel safe with him. Yesterday, we were going to have sex for the first time ever. This would have been my first time since I was assaulted while drunk 9 months ago. But I panicked.

I dont know what happened. I was nervous, but I was really excited and happy too. I felt okay, and I wasnt thinking about my last sexual experience at all. It just kind of hit me out of nowhere. I started undressing and I paused. I could barely talk. I was shaky and really scared. I asked if he could hug me, and when he did, I freaked out.

I screamed and cried and hyperventilated. I kept apologizing. I was so scared. I was ashamed of myself. I was disappointed that I couldnt do it.

I honestly thought I was ready. I thought I could do it. I was so happy, but out of nowhere my anxiety hit me and I ruined it. I feel horrible.

My partner was very supportive though, and he said hell help me get through this. He said he loves me and that hes willing to wait as long as I need. He helped me so much, and Im very thankful I have someone like him in my life.

I dont really need any advice, I just needed to get all of that off of my chest. Thank you so much for reading! Im so grateful for the 7 Cups community ♥︎