Sexless Marriage

Hi, I'm new here but I figure to try to reach out and see there's any wise people who can give me some suggestions.

I'm currently in a sexless marriage, haven't been intimate with my husband for over 4 years. It's due to his health condition, diabetes, high blood pressure, has 3 stents in his heart, plus just started hemodialysis 2 months ago. I had talked to him about my needs and asked him multiple times to try get help for his ED problem, but he's turned me down every single time. He said he just can't because his body is breaking down, and that it just won't work. He even thinks that he doesn't have much time left to live. He told me to find someone to satisfy me but remember I still have obligation at home for the family until he's gone. (I'm not sure of hos condition is all that bad that can't be fixed, it's not medically proven yet.) I'm just angry & disappointed that he doesn't even want to try, even when we were at the doctor's office doctor 2 days ago, I asked him to ask the doctor for help, he just shoke his head and laughed it off.

I know I have his blessing to look for someone else, but my issue is I can't just find a random person to have sex , forget about it and then repeat. To me, this sexual needs is not just limited to sex, it's the intimacy, the passion, the emotional bond that make sex all the better and meaningful. So in order for me to actually do it, I have to first like the guy in that way, which means it wont be casual, which also means it's going to be messy and eventually break our marriage.

On top of that, my husband has some form of bipolar and mental / emotional issue, from time to time he'd get mad for some really stupid issue, and emotionally abuse me and my daughters and even my mom. When that happens, I just keep getting more and more resentful towards him, so frustrating that I'm trying to hard to stay and worry about his health, even feel bad that he won't be able to survive long if I'm only a bit more selfish and leave.

I don't know what to do, what's right or wrong to do anymore. I feel like I'm at a breaking point.

If anyone is experiencing or ever experienced similar issue, please feel free to share your wisdom. Thanks ahead of time.