Struggling with dark sexual thoughts.
Hi, I've been struggling with dark sexual thoughts and twisted fantasies recently. Usually around women I find attractive but as a result I avoid all women which I don't think is healthy.
An example of these fantasies are to physically beat a woman until she's weak, on her knees, loses bladder control and wets herself. And when she begs for me to stop it I'd lovingly cradle her for a few seconds before putting my hands around her throat and squeezing hard. Watching her choke and sputter as tears stream down her face. She slowly loses strength and stops resisting. Face turning purple as her hands loosen their grip on my arm. Then having my way with her lifeless body.
These thoughts really trouble me because even though they turn me on, they scare me. I'm feeling quite scared right now and don't know what to do
@Mesula
"dark sexual thoughts and twisted fantasies" and your graphic description of what you think about towards women, which also leads to isolation, is nothing short of some sort of past trauma or inferiority complex you have within yourself. Take a hard look at the circumstances of your fantasies: She's rendered helpless, lifeless, and your are the aggressor but yet passionate about your end goal. All of these things highlight the fact that somewhere deep down, your desire or rather struggle for some sense of control over a female is the determining factor for your own enjoyment.
The question is, how far from reality and fantasy would you pinpoint your situation today? Far or Close? Are you even able to understand the differences between the two?
How have your past relationships unfolded throughout your life?
What was your relationship like with your biological mother?
Where were some forms of abuse as you were growing up?
You see, these types of fantasies that are directed to a specific gender in the manner in which you're approaching it screams that you have severe issues with your position in life in relation to women to where you act out your aggression in the form of what you'd consider elevated fantasies of torture, pain, and ultimately your own pleasure - not theirs.
These fantasies should certainly highlight that something is misaligned in regards to your healthy relationships with women - to the point to where you isolate yourself from any potential connection with them and purposely go out of your way to talk to real women - because perhaps the fantasy is easier for you to control. Ultimately, that is what all of this is about. It's about your lack of control, in real life, that you feel the need to have fantasies that involves harming women physically.
Based on what you've written, it's very clear to me that a proper forum to discuss these issues and dive into why you have these types of thoughts and fantasies requires someone with therapy or even psychiatric experience dealing with trauma and sexuality. It would be ideal to work those issues out because ultimately, the types of fantasies and thoughts are not necessarily condusive to a healthy relationship with women. If you fail to attain the proper level of help, there are many ways in which this level of thinking can turn out harmful to you and even potentially to someone else.
It's sometimes normal for people to have dark sexual thoughts and twisted fantasies but, usually they subside or wane over time and do not become their mainstream method for sexual gratification. Based on what you've written, you've crossed over that threshold.
What this means is that you should seek out the proper professional to discuss these fantasies in detail and perhaps come to terms with WHY they happen along with how to re-build your relationships with women so that one day you may be able to sustain a healthy relationship with one.
@Mesula you are not alone honey
