honesty or pretend
honesty or pretend .......venting and talking with him only makes it worse and couples therapy he is not interested in so please do not suggest it.
my spouse for first time in 6 months wanted to have sex....... rubs my shoulder cause that somehow seemed like ............
A. so romantic and sexy..... .... NOPE B. i am suppose to know this is a move.......again NOPE
so when i finally got the message .... he wants to lie on his back hands at his sides and have ME do all the moving and work ....... so i am angry at this point NOT turned on ........
he after 10 seconds finally puts his hands on me to slow down as he is about done .......... i said "this is doing NOTHING for me so why not finish and get it over with." .... he said i could have been like ' baby oh baby' and faked it for his sake.
First i could have been nicer but NOT pretending something I simply did NOT feel .........at that point I was so done with this .... tried to talk to him 2 days later he told me never mind he would NEVER try again......... . I wanted to say the once every six months doubt i will notice but i did NOT say that.
is it too much to be honest ........ to say "hey do something for me instead of rubbing a shoulder perhaps holding me close kissing my neck even rubbing other areas known to turn someone on " ......
is it too much to ask that he participate.........I used to not mind being on top .........but he would touch my body not lay there like i should be so glad about this. I find it ridiculous that i am somehow suppose to write out a how to list for him after decades of marriage. Yes he wanted me to give him a play by play of moves to do......
In our talk i told him simple truths ........women need to get warmed up .......that his laying there was very insulting ....... and his being mad that i am not even starting the process and he is waiting at a finish line says a lot about our relationship
I told him as he is 60 lbs overweight my attraction to him is very low .......
Before i get what about you.....I lost 50 lbs recently and with exercise am in better shape that i had been in a long time ......not looking like him.... skin colored jello..........but he says i am HONEST to only be mean .....
he has never caught a clue when i have tried to beat around the bush or make suggestions even commenting on romantic scenes in movies like remember when we tried that etc.................tried to ask about his lack of anything intimate so why not be Honest........ I know a mans ego is fragile but he never was slow to ask for things in bedroom when he was younger etc but if i do it is some attack on him.
Think this will be My VENT thread ....... i am so miserable
spouse decided he would make Breakfast smoothies with protein to drink instead of eating a bunch of toast etc every morning .........today i see nope had us buy a bunch of ingredients and it is not being used instead of but addition to told him as it has a bunch of fruit etc it is NOT calorie free has tons of natural sugars ........ he is literally gaining weight in front of my eyes and wonders why i am NOT attracted to him anymore.......... if i put a wig on him i could probably get out of a tickets saying we are rushing to hospital in labor.......... i want to scream right now ..... most mornings i too am getting ready so did not see what he was doing.........
IDIOT thinks add spinach to something and he will drop weight or something perhaps not eating for 3 is his answer......
was watching a rerun of a show and i commented on the couple had divorced since taht show was made he screams "OH wonder what Terrible thing HE did to deserve that" .... I know that was a swipe at me ..... I just calmly said no one has to do anything terrible to make their partner fall OUT of love and start to despise them .
aNother vent to get off my mind
not that i am in position to judge etc but have friends like anyone has ups and downs but nothing stands out as real trouble ...... they evidently met another couple and one of the original couple now feel like something is really wrong ...... and now is looking at divorce ... now i am not in a front row seat perhaps things have happened that i have not seen ......... but it seems sudden ......
what do i say ... sorry ... good for you ........what ever ......this person often act spontaneously and i fear things will be turned upside down and how do they recover......... i know i waited too long so perhaps i am jaded but serious life changes overnight seems like one should consider all angles.
I am feeling torn up lately.......
mad/ confused/ lost
as i wrote above a couple whom i had high hopes is just rushing to divorce etc ..... really bothering me as i feel as one is related to me i will be in position that it seems like i have chose sides....... in reality if i can chose i would chose the Other side as i think this is a BIG mistake....
work is not going well as i am bored out of my mind and surrounded by people who make even the simplest item a month long project........ IMO to justify them having endless meetings to appear busy .....i come from i different perspective that IF you can do it NOW and fixed why stretch it out and make it a 14 person project especially if you end with same results....
spouse was taking care of health issues then first of year changed insurance and now has a gap in meds keep wanting to take charge and make him see the urgency but as we live as room mates now he sort of feels so what ...... i still do not want him to be ill or anything now feel maybe the modd around the house is not helping his situation but i can no longer play that i want or love him as those feelings are gone......
so weekend is here....
work all week at a job i do not care for ...... come home cook clean take care of the dog .... so the weekend i would like to go out of the house brunch/ walk something .......
But he is perfectly happy just sitting around when i say i want to get out of house he thinks we can only go if we have specific plans etc.......... again he is Completely confused as to why i no longer want to even live with him.
dreading Valentines day
cannot and will not pretend i have feelings anymore so i HOPE he has zero intention of doing anything for that day .........
it is so lonely even sitting here with him....... been seriously debating filing the papers or waiting....... his health is not good he went to a new doctor recently needed meds refilled badly as he gasps for breath sometimes ( like living with Darth Vadar) ...the dr office says it called in twice but pharmacy says they do not have it so he is WAITING for what.... told him to get tough with BOTH places ask how can my dr say they did it twice and it not come through .... and ask dr office who they called because it is NOT your pharmacy ........ he just thinks waiting it will fix itself
I know this sounds awful but i no longer hope for him to make the changes needed to regain his health ...........like losing weight and not eating crap........ so if i stay and he passes the insurance will be a great way for me to start over.......... i cannot see it taking more then a year the way he is going........
Is it possible to go a whole day with out him ticking me off..........
he did not have his medication Dr office called the WRONG pharmacy
yet in 3 days he did not confirm just who the heck they called??
so finds out today and now wants to go on and on about how messed up this was he drove 13 miles out of his way to go to wrong pharmacy.....
seriously blamed that no one answered his phone call ....... told him the whole thing was unacceptable and to file complaints ....... but he won't just spend the evening B***hing at me instead of those who made the mess..... and he wonders why i despise him
since this was my vent thread and just thoughts but have not added for awhile
Is it too much to asked to be listened too.... he acts if he listens but this is our world
Example: i was changing out the dogs water ...... I asked ...."how do you think it gets so gross .... does dog wash his face in it? "
His response : well he gets items in his face hair and i think when he drinks the dirt particles fall into it and make the water dirty.
MY Response: ."REALLY Einstein is that NOT the same thing i just said basically .... OH BaBy when you talk DOWN to me like i am a moron .......it makes me so hot for you."
His response "Really? do you want to go to the bedroom ......"
absolutely ........... so unbelievably insane ... i could not make it up .........
we ran into my co worker at a store chatted for a minute and finished shopping ...... at the checkout we saw his spouse .as she was not with him when we were chatting .........
ON the way home my spouse says " did you see his wife ? .....she was very unattractive and out of shape ........ " (his personal opinion) but i did not say anything then .......he continues ...."IN comparison your hot "
I shot him a look and THEN was told by him ..... " you do NOT know how to take a compliment "............
Seriously i am beyond words ......... and he is clueless as to why we live as roommates that rarely talk...............and i want a divorce. It seems to be a mystery to him