sex advice?!
My partner and I are 24 and 26. We had a great sex life for the first couple years and now it is literally depressing. I actually feel an overwhelming sadness every time I think of the lack of intimacy we share. I'm the kind of person that has low self esteem but a very high sex drive. I have a pretty fair sized collection of lingerie (half has never been worn), I love pleasing him and I enjoy trying to spice things up by initiating sex outside of the bedroom/house but have been turned down so frequently in the past week, let alone the past almost two years that I'm convinced that there's something wrong with me. I am a very sensitive person and putting myself out there has never been something i've been comfortable with but I do my best for him and for us. I've been shut down so often to the point that I feel completely drained and unloveable. That's really messed up considering I know he loves me and he proves that to me all the time in other ways. It makes me feel like a monster for needing sex so much. I don't know what to do that I haven't tried already.
Thanks for listening
@aquaLime7991
Hi! Being shut down after putting in effort, and in general, is always a terrible feeling. Once it happens often enough, it's hard to not think about all the time and can lead up to becoming extremely frustrating which makes sense, especially when putting yourself under a lot of pressure to be sexy and exciting all the time with seemingly no 'appreciation' for it.
You said you have both confronted this topic many times, but there aren't many lasting results and changes. Have you considered couple's counseling? It could be hard to talk about such a topic fully and openly just on one's own, as it's always a tricky and emotional subject. Perhaps a more structured approach with a counselor could help avoid the more yelling and crying aspects of the coversation? They may also have good suggestions on compromise, or why/what's going on with his and your libidos, etc and what you could do to work it out or compromise.
Have you considered other ways to deal with your high sex drive? Not that having one is bad, and you should still try to meet in the middle because it's only fair you get an appropriate level of satisfaction in your relationship, but maybe even after compromising there's still 'leftover' libido that you have to deal with somehow? Perhaps exploring and having fun with yourself without all the other pressure could help boost your general self-care, self-knowledge and self-esteem.
I've moved your thread to the Romantic Relationships section.