story of an idiot

morgan freeman was caught for harassment.

i really liked this African American actor a lot. i was shocked a bit yo. even he was shocked, i heard.

i can relate to him a lot. he would make suggestive comments to ladies. that's something that i can see myself doing in online communities sometimes, excluding this community.

but he was also touching women. touching women is a no-no.

and being directly sexual in conversation, with women, is also a no-no.

the thing is that the women rarely spoke out against it because he was powerful. their jobs were at stake. so he was doing these things without knowing the full impact of his actions, some might say. and when he finally realized, it would probably be too late.

maybe unlike him though, i'm making a difference. i'm reading these articles of harassment so that i know the difference between proper conduct and misconduct. some people say that proper conduct is common sense, but obviously it's not, if so many men are being accused and caught for harassment. my self-education about harassment is important, especially because if I ever decide to work, i'd likely have to interact with female at the work environment. and instead of unknowingly accumulating harassment claims from ladies who rarely speak up, i can wise up and learn proper conduct before i start working any job.

i was scolded and shamed for talking about my anxiety issues today.

i feel that just because i'm a 25 year-old, people expect me to not have anxiety issues or struggles. but the truth is that i'm human. unlike male stereotypes, i am not all strong and all mature. i'm a growing individual who goes through struggles just like any other human. to be scolded and shamed for sharing my struggles is not fair.

but i probably shouldnt be surprised. although i'm not gay, some gay people are destroyed by family for talking about their struggles and issues. in fact, i'm fortunate i don't get attacked like some of them, for sharing my anxiety issues.

but still, it feels like false witness for an environment to claim to be a safe haven; and then to rebuke men who have grave anxiety issues, simply because those men should know better, be all strong, or all mature.

those types of environments are scary and the most dangerous for me, because they give out a false sense of security. luckily i know how to find more true environments where I won't get hurt or discriminated against for being human.

I'm going to look into foreign-exclusive music genres. this will involve studyoing music in foreign countries, but it would bring great variety to my playlist. i might also find new forms of music that will greatly impress me.

one time i did an image-search of "beautiful areola" on Yahoo Images and got photos of nudity. Safesearch was active, so i was surprised it still allowed me to search that phrase and get uncensored results. it made me question my discretion and what photos i should be avoiding.

ultimately, I want to have a photo collection that's legally abiding to local law. after doing some reasearch, i found the local law pertaining to my hobby:

S 245.10 Public display of offensive sexual material; definitions of terms.
The following definitions are applicable to section 245.11:
1. "Nudity" means the showing of the human male or female genitals,
pubic area or buttocks with less than a full opaque covering, or the
showing of the female breast with less than a fully opaque covering of
any portion thereof below the top of the nipple, or the depiction of
covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state.
2. "Sexual conduct" means an act of masturbation, homosexuality,
sexual intercourse, or physical contact with a person`s clothed or
unclothed genitals, pubic area, buttocks or, if such person be a female,
breast.
3. "Sado-masochistic abuse" means flagellation or torture by or upon a
person clad in undergarments, a mask or bizzare costume, or the
condition of being fettered, bound or otherwise physically restrained on
the part of one so clothed.
4. "Transportation facility" means any conveyance, premises or place
used for or in connection with public passenger transportation, whether
by air, railroad, motor vehicle or any other method. It includes
aircraft, watercraft, railroad cars, buses, and air, boat, railroad and
bus terminals and stations and all appurtenances thereto.

S 245.11 Public display of offensive sexual material.
A person is guilty of public display of offensive sexual material
when, with knowledge of its character and content, he displays or
permits to be displayed in or on any window, showcase, newsstand,
display rack, wall, door, billboard, display board, viewing screen,
moving picture screen, marquee or similar place, in such manner that the
display is easily visible from or in any: public street, sidewalk or
thoroughfare; transportation facility; or any place accessible to
members of the public without fee or other limit or condition of
admission such as a minimum age requirement and including but not
limited to schools, places of amusement, parks and playgrounds but
excluding rooms or apartments designed for actual residence; any
pictorial, three-dimensional or other visual representation of a person
or a portion of the human body that predominantly appeals to prurient
interest in sex, and that:
(a) depicts nudity, or actual or simulated sexual conduct or
sado-masochistic abuse; or
(b) depicts or appears to depict nudity, or actual or simulated sexual
conduct or sado-masochistic abuse, with the area of the male or female
subject`s unclothed or apparently unclothed genitals, pubic area or
buttocks, or of the female subject`s unclothed or apparently unclothed
breast, obscured by a covering or mark placed or printed on or in front
of the material displayed, or obscured or altered in any other manner.

All of my photos will abide to this law that mans no see-thru clothing photos showing chests or bottoms. that's unfortuante, but i can enjoy photos of women regardless.

I've been understanding my sexuality outside of sex, after abandoning porn which focused only on the sex and physicality components of sexuality.

sexuality can be thought of as the "capacity for sexual feelings." sexuality can exist outside of physically touching people. even my observation of photos and songs have proven that. the lacked focus on touching makes me focus on other features of sexuality, like inside traits that are not gender-exclusive. and this somewhat gives me confident in my ability to attract others outside of physicality.

it's a fun and exciting thing to think of ways to attract others without expressing physicality, even because such ways are not directly shunned or outlawed by society. these ways can be done without risk of persecution, and can make use of my interest in romance.

but eh, im not intersted in attraction so much anymore anyhow. i would rather be friends with a woman than be someone more.

im not fond of gender discrimination much. i really don't like partaking in communities that discriminate against me because im a man.

like in some other community, some lady was talking about rape. was a very inappropriate and unnecessarily explicit. not a single person said anything about it. and when i finally noted that rape wasn't a comfortable topic, they actually defended her discussing it.

the rule in that community was to not be sexual in conversations, so her inappropriate and explict discussion wasnt even allowed.

but when someone asked me if i preferred hard drugs, and when i jokingly answered "well id prefer a lady taking hard drugs and going unconscious near me;" well nearly everyone in that community pretty much assumed i was talking about date rape. ive never dated a girl before or had sex. i never took drugs before. but they all assumed such an inappropriate tangent, and they misinterpreted and perverted my comment.

they pretty much made me feel like they were comparing me to a criminal. they incriminated me. i got lectured and all sorts of crap. i got ostracized. heck, if an authority was around, i probably wouldve gotten escorted out of the environment.

so ladies can talk about rape, but when i make a joke remark that isn't explicit or sexual at all, i get attacked and judged for somehow referring to a crime.

gender discrimination at its finest.

men shouldnt mind what women wear, even if those women walked outside naked; i think. i mean, do we care when a stray cat walks outside naked? or do we get offended when a dog walks outside naked with only a collar or leash covering it?

i mean, it's one thing to care about a person's health. ive seen kids walk outside without shirts and pray that they don't trip onto glass or rocks. but they arent my kids. and if anything hapens to them, it's not my responsibility. so there's no point in getting frustrated about those liberties; eh?

"Incels are misogynists who are deeply suspicious and disparaging of women, whom they blame for denying them their right to sexual intercourse."- NYTimes

"'Incel' is short for 'involuntarily celibate' and in particular refers to online groups of men who feel that they can't enter into sexual relationships."- BBC News

"Incels (a portmanteau of "involuntary celibates") are self-identifying members of an online subculture who define themselves as unable to find a romantic or sexual partner despite desiring one, a state they describe as inceldom."- wikipedia

I've been called an incel before. I don't know. being an incel isn't bad, i guess. but honestly, im not an incel. i refuse to define myself on sexual desire. there's a lot in life, outside of sex. for a man to limit life to sex, or to focus his life on sex, is not wise. he might not be able to completely enjoy life, if he's only focusing on sex that is a small part of greater life.

they say desire for sex is natural. but even so, there are just as many good reasons to not engage in sex:

1) high mortality. disease spread through intercourse. and even before disease, children could be expected. sometimes the baby is killed in the womb, at the ladies discrection. sometimes the lady dies during childbirth. there's a lot of scenarios where things can get deathly.

2) prostitution is illegal where I live. that means my government does not support sex.even if a man wanted to buy sex, he would be commiting a crime. my society doesnt support sex, and rather reprimands it.

3) homosexuality was a crime. some people were killed for wanting sex or romance. if I had a different sexuality, then my desirious pleas would fall on deaf ears or get me persecuted.

these are only a few reasons why sex could be treated like a sugary food or guilty pleasure: even though it might feel good, it can have drastic negative effects on a person's health. now i can even see why sex can be compared to sins like murder and theft.

"how's your interest in sex?"

when i was younger, i had a strong interest in sex. I also watched a lot of porn.

i havent watched porn for more than a year. i'm not as interested in sex as before.

firstly, some people were and are killed for having an interest in sex: homosexuality. In that sense, there's strong sexual injustice in this world sometimes, where heterosexuality is okay and approved, but homosexuality is reprimanded and censored. im heterosexual, but even if i just wanted to have sex with men, i could get harmed for it. knowing sex can lead to harm, that lowered my interest in it.

secondly, prostitution is illegal where I live. so even if i wanted sex, i couldnt buy it. this also means that my local government doesn't support sex. a lady, offering to give me sex, could be an undercover cop. that lack of government support further lowers my interest.

thirdly, sex isn't a Need for me, it would be a Want. I know many men who have lived long lives as virgins. they did not die from lack of sex. people starve and thirst, but don't die from "lack of sex;" i feel. I definitely wouldnt die from lack of sex because sex is something I don't conquer my mind with, and I've taken steps to ensure that by quitting porn. knowing that sex is a Want, and isn't necessary, makes it less interesting.

fourthly, biology doesn't justify desire. they say men have a desire to reproduce, but that doesnt mean he can force himself unto a lesbian or a married woman. if I have a natural desire to eat sugary food, that doesnt mean its healthy for me. if i have a natural desire to steal, that doesnt mean its healthy for me. in fact, gay men have a natural desire to have sex with men, but society incriminates that. blindly following my "biology" isn't smart, and that's what separates my manhood from my animalhood: the ability to make conscious human decisions.

fifthly, it takes two people for sex. having sex isn't particularly my decision; unlike other hobbies where I have full control of my entertainment like playing a video game or watching Youtube videos. for men, sex might only mean a chance for disease. for women, sex might means a chance for deadly disease, an abortion, or (if they don't abort) death while giving birth to babies. so sex means that a lady might have to balance the life of her baby against her own. that's a decision I wouldn't ever want a lady to possibly experience. and yes, condoms break: they arent full-proof.

I hope you find this article useful. It is about dealing with rejection.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-we-deal-with-sexual-rejection_us_5b2997afe4b0f0b9e9a676f3