story of an idiot

https://indianexpress.com/article/entertainment/gwyneth-paltrow-angelina-jolie-join-flood-of-allegations-of-sexual-abuse-against-harvey-weinstein-4884504/

"Paltrow described Weinstein

this story, unlike the first one, is not a rumor:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Weiner_sexting_scandals

"Following a report from the Daily Mail in September 2016, Weiner was investigated by the FBI for sexting with a 15-year-old girl. His laptop was seized and emails related to the Hillary Clinton email controversy were found on it, causing a controversy late in the presidential election. On May 19, 2017, Weiner pled guilty to one count of transferring obscene material to a minor. His wife, Huma Abedin, filed for divorce prior to Weiner's guilty plea. In September, he was sentenced to 21 months in federal prison."

lol, yeah, our sexual behaviors are not appropriate in a cyber environment either. this dude was married though. lucky i aint married. i don't think i'd be sexting women if i were married. i don't think womeb are interested insexting with a married man. lol. i'd spend time with my wife, rather than sexting anyways. i mean, when you have a wife, the romance is a lot more secure, i'd think. you don't have to worry about your wife blocking you or ignoring you forever, eh? i mean, the idea of a wife is an ideal woman who had strong feelings for a man, else why wuld a man marry a woman who didn't like him? so if i had a wife, i know for sure i'd be able to safely express romantic and sexual stuff with her, because i wouldn't marry a woman who wouldn't except my inner personality, identity, and sexuality. this is probably why i'm not married yet. XD

this dude though, he was a politician. he really should've been more careful, because with such a role, he was bound to be investigated on a government level. i guess life is a lot more strict, when you're part of the government; and he tried to retreat onto the internet. we dudes are sexual men, and we need places to exress our sexuality. still, his expressions were probably a bit weird. i don't think i would ever send a sexually explicit photo to a woman, unless she wanted to see it. only one time in my life had i shared a sexually explicit picture with someone i met on a dating website, and that was only because she had personally requested the picture. honestly though, i probably shoudln't have done it, because i could've got in trouble either way. we dudes got to be careful and smart because there are laws that can destroy us for our expressions, regardless of the context of situation.

but this dude lied about the sexting. lying about it: that's not cool. i'm a religious dude, and i know lying never leads to anything good. I would always tell the truth, even if i express that truth in a way that all people might not understand. i would even sugar-coat the trruth, but i wouldn't lie.

not only that, but this dude was sexting minors. i remember i sexted a minor before, before i had understood the severity of laws involving minors. once i was told about laws associated with minors, i became very careful with my intereaction with them. laws against minors are an easy snare for dudes like us. a few countries take those laws against minors seriously. and that was the first time i was introduced to the minor laws, as i even did research after the introduction because i thought the law-makers were joking around about those laws. Weiner should have known about laws associated with minors though. unlike me, he was a politician who was familiar with laws.

why did he do it? i don't know. all i know is that dudes like us do stupid stuff. we just got to be careful. doing our activities on the internet isn't always an easy way to mask our identities and save us from the laws that can destroy us. but then again, we got to be honest and resourceful: he had a wife who could've helped him with his sexual needs. he didn't have to sext. he lied about the incidents. and then he sexted a minor. never sext a minor! that's the worst thing dudes, like us, could ever do in these types of countries!

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/21/business/media/bill-oreilly-sexual-harassment.html

this dude had a wife and even had children. how did he get so legally low as to get involved with all those scandals with multiple women?

this is not a rumor. the dude has been paying large settlements to silence women who he's been sexually harassing. apparently, he gave business jobs to some women and felt entitled to get reimbursement from them.

'

my bros, if there's a season for sexual behavior, this autumn isn't.

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment/la-et-mn-james-toback-sexual-harassment-allegations-20171018-story.html

and no, this is not a rumor. well if it is, then 38+ women are behind the 'rumor.' so yeah . . . that must either be some very intense collaborative rumor, or an unraveling truth.

it seems to be a slew of sexual harassment claims rather. this guy Toback, just like Weinstein, had resources. he was a renown film guy. me and him are quite similiar, as we are both sexual men who struggle with sexual esxpression sometimes. but the ways, in which he went about the expressions, are not my ways.

this dude apparently did not seperate sexuality from professionalism. that is something that i've learned quite brutally, even because i've been ousted from professional environments for talking to women in a overly intimate way. a seperation between professionalism and sexuality is important because clients aren't always as sexual as men like us. for men like us, sexuality has a great value and a market, but for other people, sexuality doesn't have much value, especially in a professional environment. and sexuality is so precise: clients can be homosexual, asexual, or etc. ultimately though, there is little to no legal profession where sexuality plays a major role. beauty can play a major role. love can play a major role. but not necessarily sexuality, especially the explicit kind.

'Toback

I am a strong man. i walk a road, and sometimes i make mistakes. but i will keep walking the road because i am improving.

the road is finding self-happiness and self-relief, being able to satisfy my sexual needs on a self-sufficient basis.

today i made a mistake by talking to a woman, when i know i could've relieved myself by looking at photos or listenign to music.

but it's a road. everyone makes mistakes. i need to be strong. God has made me a strong man, to do well and exceed above challenges.

i don't want to be destroyed because of my inability to be a strong man.

there are good women, and i live for the chance to serve good women. women with great hearts who accept me. i create works for those women. i know they exist, although i maynever eet them in my life.

i need to be strong and admire those women in my imagination. although i may never meet them, the thought of their love can make me happy and satisfied. i don't admire women. i admire good women.

it's a road, and i'm improving.. i know i'm improving. it's a road. a challlegning road that hurts and is dangerous, but i'm continuing to walk that road to self-happiness.

one day i will be able to find happiness with my imagination, photos, music, and etc. i will not be tempted to rely on women for my happiness or selfrelief. i will be safe, finding self-happiness and self-relief within media, music, photos, and my imagination. i would not have to rely on women for happiness.

made a mistake today. i talked to someone i shoudln't have.

i'm scared of talking to people because i feel they can oust me from communities.

i was resting and i imagined a lady. a lady who didn't hurt me and was kind and sweet to me. she loved me a lot. i never had a girlfriend before, so i had to imagine her.

then i took out my laptop and sa a picture of a beatiful woman in black lngerie. and i imagined that woman being kind and sweet to me. she was beautful both inside and outside. and she gave me relief and happinesses.

i feel i can do this every night: imagine a woman who is kind and sweet to me, even though she might not exist. i feel my imagination is gettiing stronger and allowing me to become a bit more self-sufficient, when it comes to finding relief and happiness.

today i made a mistake, but i'm making progress. i know i'm making progress. i rarely talk to women anymore. and i'm relying more on non-human resources to relieve myself. i'm making progress towards a safer way of living without having to fear being ousted from communities for my personality or identity.

i think i need to cut back on my commnications in communities where i talk to women, including this website. this website is cool, but it's just not quite supportive on my issue. even male listeners don't really know how to help me, most times. so i feel listeners aren't too helpful and i should probably stop trying to go for that support. i feel this forum might still be helpful though.

instead of coming here, i think i should spend more time on my twitter account where i upload photos, music, and youtube videos of women. i feel every time i come here, i'm tempted to try to get support that doesn't quite exist. but on twitter, i feel i get a lot more authetic and a lot less misleading support and relief. meh.

i'll also continue uploading reports of sexual crimes i guess. and i'll keep a log of how long i've been abstaining from talking to women who can hurt me. in fact, today is Day 1 of not talking to women who can hurt me. if i were able to upload photos, music, and youtube videos of women here, i might consider staying here more; but i don't think that's allowed, which is another reason why i feel this place doesn't support my issue as well as it seems to imply it can.

yesterday i felt so bad that i couldn't breathe and i thought i was going to have a heart attack. i even think my younger brother heard me crying.

i was thinking about yesterday when i thought i had tried my best to keep myself safe. i felt there were no more plausible measures o take, for my wellbeing. but i do feel there are some more things i can probably do.

i'm thinking of searching for a hypersexual or high sexsual community where i can talk about my sexual issues. all the communities i've been in, people have made fun of my sexual personality. i feel that if i found a community of people who struggle with high libido, like myself, then i won't be harrassed anymore or called a "creep" for having a personality.

another thing, i'm thinking of, is systematically releiving myself within certain time frames. some days, i forget to relieve myself because i'm too busy. and because of that lack of relief, i feel i get more tempted to do dangerous stuff that can get me in trouble, like expressing my sexuality around people. i'm going to try to see if i can self-relieve on a systematic basis, like maybe every 8 hours or so. this might be dangerous, because every time i try to self-relieve, there's a chance i might try to dangerously express my sexuality with people. but i want to give this method a try. i feel that if i relieve my high libido, on a systematic or frequent basis; then my procdedures for relieving my libido will be more formal and organized, to a point where i would systematically relieve myself without the aid of humans.

i might try the group support chatrooms to talk about my sexuality issues. but for now, i feel that listeners aren't that helpful and most of them ignore me or don't take my issue seriously. i'm pretty sure therapist will do the same. and nobody talks to me on these forums. so the chatroom is pretty much the only place where i can try to get some help on my sexual issues.

i was thinking of labling my issue as LGBTQ+, because i honestly feel that my sexuality (although heterosexual) is peculiar.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/john-besh-sexual-harassment-allegations_us_59ef3effe4b0d14acdcc7e73?ncid=engmodushpmg00000004