A Letter to You (Possible TW: Toxic Friendships)
To Whom it Concerns,
Just by the way I started this, you’re probably already mad at me. You think I just forgot the 12 years of friendship we shared. Don’t worry. I can’t forget. No matter how hard I try.
Its been three years since I finally said goodbye to you, and two years since you last reached out. That conversation didn’t go the way you wanted it to, did it? You thought two years would be long enough to forget how much you put me through.
I wonder if you still think about me. You probably hate me and blame me for leaving. I mean, it was always my fault, wasn’t it? No Matter how much I did for you. No matter how many good people I cut out of my life for you. I was the ungrateful one because you helped me out of my darkest time, and I had to pay you back by being you silent servant.
If it helps, I do think about you, all the time. And yeah, I miss you more than you could imagine. I miss hearing your laugh and driving to McDonald’s at three in the morning. I miss being able to tell you when I messed up and not being judged, but instead, I had a shoulder to cry on. I miss having a place to go when things were bad at home and I could escape to my own little world with you. I miss the way you would lay your head on my shoulder, and I would smell your lavender shampoo and I felt safe, and home.
But that home is gone now. You burnt it down and scattered the ashes. There’s no getting back what we had. I do hope you’re good, and I hope you’re happy. I just can’t be the reason anymore.
Sincerely,
I’m sorry you had to go through this love. People are brought into our lives for 2 reasons: 1) to show us love and/or 2) to teach us a lesson. It might not seem like it now, but this person seems to have taught you a valuable lesson. From the sound of your words, this person doesn’t deserve the love that you gave them. I hope you find your person so they can show you how it is to be loved by someone who doesn’t want anything in return.
Sincerely,
@littleMoon2312 sorry to hear that I had the same thing happen but i realized she was toxic so its best to move on Best of luck.
It’s been three years and I know it’s definitely for the better, but it doesn’t make it any easier. We were fighting every other week and neither one of us were in a good place mentally at the end, both in and out of psych. I just miss the good times we had, not the person she became. It’s just hard to let go when you’ve known someone for half of your lifetime. Thank you though, I do appreciate it.
@littleMoon2312 yeah its tough mentally when you both struggle with the same issue
@littleMoon2312
Hi little moon. Your emotion is so deep and I felt falling into that. Its difficult to deal with the so many selfs and voices in our head. You have taken a decision and Im happy to see that you are sticking with that. Sometimes its not the person we are in love with,but its the memories and the idea of being loved. I hope you get to meet someone better for you. Take care.
@littleMoon2312,
I feel you.
So much pure, well, I'd say pure love in such a short summary, that contains all that matters.
You got me silent, and that doesn't happen easily.
I am in different situation but I can definitely relate to how much you loved this person.
And still does.
Sometimes, if you are lucky, you run into the rare occasion that you just resonate with someone.
Deeply, you can't really explain to others (most people) how it feels to someone who hasn't been there.
I call it a gift from the Universe.
Sometimes you just have to step out, to not lose your sanity.
And that might be the hardest decision you ever made in your life.
Not because of the memories.
Maybe because of the good times that were destroyed because someone changed, and not for the better.
Save your soul.
And nothing should've been destroyed, it was not part of the plan the Universe had in mind.
Not memories, not the good old days.
I know how you feel. I don't know you but I feel anyway.
All too often, we interfere with our own lives, we make a mess, we damage, we are not aware.
Not listening to what it is all about.
And everyone is able to do that, to listen, it takes persistence, it takes daring to be vulnerable, it takes confronting your self, to follow your heart, and only ujser your mind when necessary (like arranging the best possible mortgage).
Sometimes you are not done.
Sometimes you are.
There is no manual for that, there is no multiple choice test you can do and you get your answer at the end.
That is not what life is like, although those kind of tests do exist.
You are your best and totally reliable test, your true self, your being, your unconditional love for self.
And yet, you can decide and always feel the connection.
I have a connection like that, it is impossible to explain to others.
And the two of us fight too, too much, yet less.
My wife wants out, it has become too much for her, long story.
She filed for divorce, yet she does not want to lose me.
So we keep trying, we got great help from a fantastic counselor that I happened to run into.
"Normal" people would have called it a day months and months ago.
They can't comprehend, they have not been there.
A few have, really, just a few.
There is no guarantees, but we try.
Damage might be too big, my behavior might have been too damaging (a full repair is not gonna happen, we both know that).
I don't know.
I have to try, I don't wanna be on my death bed, my last thoughts/words being "if only I.....".
I am sharing this, not because I want to tell you to reconsider.
I share this because I feel you.
I understand.
And I thank you for sharing, that takes guts.
Warmth and love to you.