Affairs….

@scarletOrange1659

It is hard to deal with a lie after you thought all had come clean and you could move on.....

It is a shame he did not feel he needed to or should be totally upfront.......

so the whole thing ended 3 years ago and he reached out to say hi sounds like he might want to start again..?

what changed recently.? ..... did he ever express what he was getting out of the emotional part? ......that can if situation is close to lead to the physical.

i chatted with someone for a while.......... some may categorize as emotional affair.......

but I justified it in the reality my partner Quit............. on being my friend .. We spoke of only weather/ news/ ect..... every time i shared he ignored or rolled his eyes

i found someone that would discuss anything............we talked and he made me feel interesting and attractive and i did same for him ( he is also married) but not treated as he should be .........

Many people in long term ...... day to day ...........do not see their partner clearly...... if you feel all is OK they must feel that too.... right?

Many do not see their partner is missing something........

.feeling wanted or needed or attractive and interesting.........

i have done the same to spouse in return ... no compliments .... nothing to show i care ........not that i do not care ....... just i felt ignored taken for granted and otherwise invisible so held back any affirmations as well.

the other person made me seen ........listened to .... interesting ........ wanted and attractive we were very far away but if closer might have developed into physical ...... this is NOT an excuse for cheating just a real life example of how easy it can happen when we are not aware

we need to remember that day to day........

all the things we think are annoying someone else might find charming.....

that each eye roll over something stupid makes them feel less than ... putting them last behind kids/ job / friends/ who ever has a toll. when you can see it you can fix it for those who want to only blame and not look at the situation this could happen again.

@scarletOrange1659,

that's a tough one. At least he admitted, not everyone would.

Things like emotional affairs (in my perception emotional affair are way much hurtful and damaging then physical affairs) are painful and damaging.

And however understandable at times, there is never an excuse for them.

Do you guys talk now in openness? Do both of you want to try to work things out?

Are both of you open to counseling? Counseling doesn't mean saving your marriage, it means reconnecting, learning to communicate again.

And/or taking a break, so both of you get space.

It depends on what you guys want. Whether you are wiling to invest. 16 years is a long time. I hope those 16 years gave both of you enough common ground to give it a try. No matter the outcome.

@scarletOrange1659 Hello Scarlet.

First off, I wanted to say 16 years is an awfully long time.

I also wanted to say that the time he put into the affair was very long as well (maybe not as long as the entirety of your relationship), but still very long and very painful by the sound of it, hearing your words.

Not only do you deserve respect in a relationship, but you deserve to feel validated and heard.

When the two biggest things in a relationship - trust & communication, are broken, it can be very difficult to bounce back (but it is possible).

I cannot tell you what to do, but what I will say is that it all depends on what YOU want and what will make YOU happy and if your husband is willing to work on trust and communication again (I am not sure what your thoughts are on couples therapy, but that is always an option as well).

I hope my words have helped (even if only a little) and I commend you for staying strong, it isn't easy (especially when you were betrayed by your "friend"/neighbor as well). Which I am not sure if you have stopped talking to her or not, but I would assume based on her betrayal and painful actions, at the very least, I would assume communication is minimal.

You sound like a lovely woman.

Please stay strong and stay safe and come on here anytime you need help or a listening ear (besides other support networks of course).

❤️❤️

@scarletOrange1659 I'm deeply sorry to hear about the pain and betrayal you're currently experiencing in your marriage. Discovering that your husband had an emotional affair with your neighbor/friend, and that it escalated into a physical relationship, is a devastating revelation. It's completely understandable that you're feeling lost, broken, and unsure about how to proceed from here. It's crucial to give yourself the space to grieve the loss of trust, process the emotions that come up, and seek support from loved ones or a therapist who can help you navigate through this challenging time @scarletOrange1659 I'm deeply sorry to hear about the pain and betrayal you're currently experiencing in your marriage. Discovering that your husband had an emotional affair with your neighbor/friend, and that it escalated into a physical relationship, is a devastating revelation. It's completely understandable that you're feeling lost, broken, and unsure about how to proceed from here. It's crucial to give yourself the space to grieve the loss of trust, process the emotions that come up, and seek support from loved ones or a therapist who can help you navigate through this challenging time