Age gap relationship-let it go or move on?
I was with an older man last year for ~7 months. We had been talking for almost a year before that and I was so comfortable with him and we had a connection despite our age difference (17 years...).
We got into a disagreement and he said some hurtful things that crushed me and I broke it off. A few months later he admitted to being in love with me. I was too but we never said it to each other since we weren't together that long.
We talked through the break up, no mention of getting back together and I don't think I want to. I can't get over how hurtful he was and I don't want to be with someone that can say things during a disagreement to intentionally cause pain. But he did adore and take care of me and helped me through some difficult times, I miss him and can't stop thinking about him since our last conversation. Part of me still cares about him and wants him back but the other part knows being with him will be difficult because of the age gap and his stubborn personality. My heart wants him but my brain says don't 😞
hi, I hope you are feeling okay. I see where you are coming from, as there is an age gap of 14 years between me and my partner. This shouldn't be a factor of whether you should stay together, but how they treat you should be. It's important for there to be mutual respect and connection. Feel free to message me if you want to chat x
@j2101 Hello, my husband and I have an age gap of 14 years, (hes older) and we've been together 13 years. I understand where you're comoing from with the hurtful things but that can happen in any relationship regardless if there is an age gap or not. Is that the only time he said things like that? Do you think it would be repeated if things got heated again? Everyone makes mistakes and if you think he'll respect your feelings on the subject and not say things like that again when you guys disagree then I see no reason to not get back together but if it becomes a repeated action then you shouldn't put up with it.
@victoriaproctor1031
Thanks for responding. Well basically he wanted me to do some things sexually I wasn't comfortable with. He kept bringing it up until I finally put my foot down and said there's no way I'm doing that and would never want to. He said if I can't then we wouldn't work out. He said he was fine before me and would be just fine after me. That is what really upset me and pushed me to break up with him
And previously about a month into the relationship he texted me one night saying goodbye because I wasn't putting in any effort and didnt want to be with someone who didn't care. I apologized and explained my actions and we moved on from there.
So I suppose there is a pattern of him getting upset and just cutting things off. Seems he is ready to walk away at the slightest inconvenience. On the other hand he has stuck with me during some major panic attacks I've had. So that's why I'm so torn
@j2101
I completely understand where you're coming from. I does seem like he's ready to leave anytime something doesn't go his way. That
@victoriaproctor1031
Never married and no kids, he has had 3 serious/longterm relationships before and broke it off when it came time to decide to get married and then I guess shorter ones between. I admit some of the anxiety was caused from the relationship but overall it was a good one. I am just more hurt by how easily he could cut me out and I'm not sure I want to be with someone that could do that.
@j2101
I wouldn't want to be with someone who could cut me out that easily either. If its causing you this much anxiety then you should do what's best for you. People can give thier opinions until the end of time but when it comes down to it, the choice is yours and only you know what is best for you. What's important is for you to know that you have people to support you no matter what decision you make, wether those people are physically around you or here.
@victoriaproctor1031
You're right...I guess I just wanted to know if large age gap relationships can work and if it's worth it. You are obviously in a great relationship and found a person that is the right for you. It's hard because it's still a little fresh but from your help and other's opinions and writing everything out it shows me that he is not the right person for me.
@j2101
I wish I could say I was in a great relationship but I'm really struggling with it right now. It easier to help others sometimes than yourself - you know what I mean?
@victoriaproctor1031
That's unfortunate to hear. You've given me great advice and made me reflect on what's important. I hope you can push through your situation as well.
@j2101
Thanks. I'm glad I could help you though :)
@victoriaproctor1031
Not really apropos of this specific discussion, but regarding it being easier to help others than yourself... I unfortunately understand that all too well.
@j2101
Heyo! Reading your post I don't think it's your fault at all. I feel like your partner should also try to get along with you as if he loves you, he should understand. He might want to rush things but in the end it's your choice and if this is as bad as leading to panic attacks, maybe he isn't the best guy. Look at the situation from an aspect of if he really cares for you. Does he help you when you need it? Because inspite the age gap, you both still are partners and you both should have an equal say. Not all guys are good for everyone but if he's worth it then stay with him. Him being in his 40's could also affect this as he might me more impatient or deperate for sex. If you truly feel you don't want to do it just say know. You may even have to break it off...but sometimes it's best to let someone go.
~Stay sweet and strong
@agreeableBalloon9122
Thank you so much for your insight. I'm at the point of letting go now even though I care about him a lot. I think I'm just emotionally drained from everything that's been going on.
@j2101
If that's what you think it's fine..sometimes you have to move on..
~wish u luck on your journey!
@j2101
Hey, I deleted a unsupportive post in here. I am sorry about it. Also, sometimes our mind and heart doesnt agree and it can be really confusing. It seems like you do like him a lot. (I am sorry if I am wrong) I was wondering if it was the first time of it happening. And its totally okay if you are still hurt about it, do take your time. Whichever you decide, we understand and support you.
@River
Thank you for monitoring the discussions. Yes my heart and mind are definitely battling right now. What were you wondering was the first time?
