Am I doing the right thing!?
Wow....I always get stuck at where and how to start my story. To try and make a long story short I guess it really is a bit like a love story; a romeo and Juliet swept of feet romance turned tragedy. Crossing boundaries turned into scandalous dating turned into engagement turned into broken trust turned into him using drugs again turned into me sharing this with him (27yrs not even smoked and worked and volunteered helping people in addiction...the dots are joining)
1yr later and I've lost myself let alone him, my health and nearly everything and everyone that matters most! I'm scared, hurt and alone but worrying so much about him and feeling responsible.
I've managed to stay back home with mum, away from him and drugs for nearly 20days. I'm looking at breaking it off officially, leaving a letter when I get his stuffed returned and seeking further support (professional)
The relationship did turn domestic violent and he has been cheating but finding this all so confusing and hard to let go.....
Thanks for listening/reading. Any comments/feedback would mean the world and be amazing if you could.....
@tornwillow
I tend to be cold and efficient at decision making. Ironic that I'm here on the site, but nobody judges.
From my perspective, any decision that leads to avoidance of harm (whether physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual) is generally the right thing to do. It's a rule I applied to every counselee who ever came to me irl, and it worked out pretty well so far.
But I digress... every human being is different, and not everyone believes cold efficiency is the right way of dealing with trouble. When in doubt, I alway refer to the core duty of the counselor: to preserve life. That isn't just the state of being alive, but also the quality of the said state. If by staying away from him, your potential for quality of life is improved, then yes... despite the initial heartache that always follows a breakup... you did the right thing.
@CreedAngelus thanks so much for your wise words, it has given me a lot to think about and great perspective. I appreciate your time and support!
@CreedAngelus Very well put actually, if everything seems to just fall apart and it is too much to deal with, being cold and efficient at descision making is probably the best way to go
@tornwillow
Hi Tornwillow,
It sounds like you've really been through so much and it sounds like you made a wise decision to end the relationship with your partner. It sounds like you had a very toxic relationship but despite all of this it seems like you really want to improve your life too.
When do you think that you'll inform your partner of your decision? What do you have planned for your future now you're sober and starting again?
Lisa
@OceanCounselling I appreciate such empathy and understanding, it has been a whirlwind nightmare and so hard to come to terms with. I'm thinking of giving the letter in the next couple of days and then getting some mental health support from my local hospital; they run anxiety, self eestem, domestic violence kind of classes etc. They'll also help me block the contact (select visitors etc) and help me get back into work. I'm also a qualified wedding planner and dance teacher so thankfully i have a few options. I'm just struggling to let go and am so worried about him! Thanks for taking the time to reply
@tornwillow
It sounds like you have an excellent plan forward and one that you've really thought about. You've taken a big step forward :)
@OceanCounselling I really appreciate your encouragement and support through this hard time xx
