Am i expecting too much??
Am i expecting too much??
he has an habbit whenever we are fighting he just went for sleep and in morning he just behave as normal. He didn’t even talk on that topic.
But recently few weeks ago we had a fight and I decided that in morning i will not behave normal so i stayed in another room. For 4-5 days he didn’t came not even to look how i am. On 6 th say he came and behaved normal as nothing happens but I didn’t behaved normally then he went and again 2-3 day everything was same as before no conversation nothing at all. Than after that i fell sick and it was visible that i am sick so then he came gave me medicines and brings me in our room as after fighting i started to live in another room. But again when i got my health back so i tryed to communicate with him about my issues how he treated me how i felt but again he started you don’t see how you treat me conversation.
Not to mention we already had same debate 2 month ago that time he said i am sorry i will do everything thing i just want your support and please don’t say any negative thing to me so i did almost only i have said few things like whenever he was doing something wrong or not in right way like in cooking or cleaning but still he counts this as negative he even counts negative that i told him to study. And we are having same debate everytime we fight that he is not emotional available for me anytime. He just do things temporarily.
We both have told to our parents about each other they are asking about marriage but now i am not sure. In other aspects he is very good he respects me and my family. He is not a mumma’s boy. He never stops me from doing anything. Please tell me if i am wrong anywhere that i am doing or expecting too much. Because from last few months whenever we had fight i started to think that if i am that bad that I deserved to be treated like this I should not be alive or i will not able to live if things will be like this.
As my childhood is also bot that good for me i never had an emotional support from anyone not even my family and my family was also abusive not physically but yeah mentally. My father is alcoholic and i am the elder in my family i have to do everything from starting you can i was the man of my family. But i wanted to be a lady at least once I don’t want responsibilities.
I earn well i can do everything but I don’t want to do everything. I want that someone treats me better hear me out loud if i am complaining even then at least once. I don’t know what to do i am just fed up with my life but i can not even giveup on my life as i know my mum and my lil bro’s life will also be *** then. No one will support them not mentally not physically not financially.
I am very sensitive person even a small tone difference will affect me but i was,i am trying to be strong that nothing hurts me I don’t care at all but yeah i care everything hurts me. And to move on from relationship it is difficult for me as I don’t have many friends as you can i only have 2 friends from all my life including him.
When i told him that ok if you don’t want to continue just call your mom and tell her and he just did it his mom didn’t ask a single question she just i already told you these are the thing that happen when you do love marriage.
For now we are living under same roof but in different rooms no talking no seeing each other nothing. Am i doing correct?
also yesterday i was felling very low but don’t know what happened to me today, i am not feeling anything no sad emotion no happy emotion also not getting interest in anything just feeling very tired.
Don’t know what to do as i am fed up but also don’t want to giveup
@gentleHouse4431
Hello, and welcome to 7 Cups 😊
Knowing the basic rules here, I am not expected to give you any advice. But we could try to sort out the facts for you...
You seem to be very confused about what to do, as well as torn between being a strong, decisive, maybe even a dominating person and being someone sensitive, longing for being noticed and... cherished?—would that be a right word?
The picture you painted seems rather dark. It looks like you and your partner created some long-distance relationship within four walls.
First of all, I would like to tell you that silent treatment is notoriously known form of passive aggression. And when it lasts for days and has been being repeated, it is a serious warning sign that should not be ignored.
When you are shouting at him or constantly criticise him (or his way of doing things), it can be abusive on both sides.
Maybe it's time to ask what you both expect from the relationship? 'Cause I guess sitting in separate rooms and not talking for days is not at all what relationships should be about...
You story about an alcoholic father, emotional abuse and being the eldest kid, unfortunately, sounds very familiar to me. And I understand that might made you a strong woman, a person who is in control and who covers all the bases.
But at the same time this kind of defense might be deeply harmful to you, becoming a barrier that prevents other people from seeing you as sensitive, vulnerable or needing support.
Also, you said you are emotionally and financially supporting your mom and your brother, what is a noble thing, but—I suppose—it can make you work harder and more exhausted when you finally get home, and may put you at some disadvantage while trying to solve the problems connected with your own relationship in the last place.
It looks like you took over not only the role of a man in a traditional family, but also the role of a father. But I am afraid saying that may barely scratch the surface...
@gentleHouse4431
You both talk but does not sound like either is listening. If he feels you should have a bigger discussion about more then the one topic you are discussing maybe you should look at the Big picture. He seems to want to discuss something else and many times fixing things is discussing ALL the issues not one at a time. in a marriage things are connected.
Silent treatment or shutting down Conversation by living in separate rooms waiting for the other to make a move is clearly not working.... sometimes being "right" is not worth losing the relationship.
Tell him how you feel .... listen to how he feels............ it is not a contest of who has the bigger issue or problems. Work from listening not assuming. We all want to be treated better and until you tell someone how you do not want to be in charge all the time you DID that .... until we see they do not read minds to know what we want .... we will be disappointed.
@gentleHouse4431
Also, if I could have a little suggestion: Might you consider using just the regular font here instead of the enlarged one? A bigger font doesn't make you heard better, but can be felt as intimidating or invasive by some people (including me)...