Am i missing something?

Hi thanks for reading I'm going to be 100% honest and unfiltered. Id like to get women's opinion on this because I've never been this confused. This is probably going to be more of an ongoing thread because it's complex lol.

First about me i guess to give a little perspective. I've been through a ton in life , didn't really bond with anyone. I'm normally EXTREMELY good at reading people which has been a blessing and a curse. I got married at 26 to someone because it made sense. Met someone in 2009 that changed my life and the way i view relationships and learned what true unconditional love feels like. Iy didn't work for reasons to numerous to list. I've dated a lot in life and so far there's only been one time I've seen true love but last year i dated someone that im pretty sure i felt the early stages of really falling for her.

When I'm with someone its usually more like friends and as long as it works it works. I'm a hopeless romantic and want it to grow into more but we feel what we feel i guess. I'm seeing someone now and she's really great. We're very honest with each other, have fun together, laugh constantly and she's really really cute ( arguably out of my league in the looks department but i digress. ) there's nothing *wrong* but i just don't connect with her on the level i know is possible. Which is putting a spotlight on a former relationship.

Here's what I'm wrestling with. You'll need to read the whole thing because its complex. We'll call her Maggie and I'll explain why. We live in the same neighborhood and for about a year we would wave as neighbors nothing beyond that. At some point we exchanged numbers for social correspondence but nothing flirty. She's extremely attractive and would fit the mold of many men i suppose. 5'7" blonde, fit, athletic, pretty, but honestly that's never been my type. I find her very attractive because of the type of person she is not her looks. Her personality grew on me and we ended up hanging out. We began dating ( kind of) but i sensed hesitancy from her like it of nowhere she'd pull back. Some days it was an amazing relationship and other days i felt like an inconvenience ( you know that feeling that you get when someone isn't interested but feels to bad to tell you so they just blow you off ? ) yeah that feeling sucks but we've got to be honest with ourselves when we see it. So I've considered that many times believe me! Anyway moving on.... we dated 4 months and she ended it over something trivial. During that 4 months she did and said things that clearly showed she felt the same things i was feeling. We'd be laying in bed in the morning. She'd randomly smile at me and say" i feel like we've crossed paths in a past life. There's something i can't explain that i feel around you" something I've never felt before" There's things you can't fake if you don't really feel things.

Here's the dilemma and where i need an unbiased *girl brain*

I call her Maggie as she pretty much represents the main character of the runaway bride.

She's legitimately diagnosed bipolar and ADHD but refuses meds for personal reasons. I'm not looking to change that but thought i should mention. She's a really cool person and i love spending time with her and her daughter which is whole other part of the story. Maggie's history is that when her feelings get involved she runs. I can point to 2 major life decisions that would leave most scratching their head. One being giving up a very good job on wallst in a knee jerk decision. Imagine going to school for a degree and having a career for 10 years then one day suddenly walk away from it with no notice or having ever said a word to anyone. I could give several traits that are normally absolute deal breakers for me but i like her anyway. There's a dozen reasons i shouldn't like her but i do and can't stop thinking about her especially because she ended it for all the wrong reasons. We're genuinely good for each other and as much as she drives me batsh** sometimes i still feel a way about her that i can't ignore. I've been through things in life that many couldn't imagine so i don't judge people or expect things of people.

We stopped talking last August at her choice and i pretty much cut off all communications. She has acted like we'd just go to friends like we were in a fwb situation the whole time. She did say initially that she would cut and run if i started having feelings etc. But then over the time we dated she showed me things, did things, and said things you just don't do unless you are starting to really have feelings.

Anyway feel free to ask questions because it's just one anonymous person asking other anonymous people for their genuine unbiased opinion. I'm just not sure what to think. I think part of her pulling away was because she started having feelings and was scared i didn't feel the same. I'm thinking about writing her a letter explaining how i truly feel. At this point i feel like it'll either slam the door closed for good or make her think about it all. We don't talk now so i don't feel a ton of risk i guess.

Anyway , again TIA !