Betrayed trust
Been with my partner for 13.5 years, we have 2 kids and alot of history together. When we were going through a bit of a rough patch in 2020 she started sending rude pictures, videos and messages to her male best friend. I just feel so betrayed after all the shit we've been through. She basically didn't even look at me for 5 years while her sister went through a traumatic experience with leukaemia and passed away. I didn't even look at anyone else back then so it just feels so bad that she went that way at the first sign of trouble, without even talking.
I have forgiven them both and I'm still letting them speak to each other. Am I an idiot? I don't want to be made a fool of again but I want to believe her when she says she loves me and doesn't want to be in a relationship with him.
@BetrayedTrust88
Hi--I'm sorry that that happened. 💜 You've been faithful to your partner for nearly 14 years, but while going through a recent/temporary rough patch she started sending inappropriate messages to another male friend. This was despite the fact that you didn't betray her at all during a much longer rough stretch you experienced that lasted 5 years while she was preoccupied with her sister's leukemia.
I don't think you're doing anything wrong by wanting to be forgiving and trusting and trying your best to have faith in her and heal the relationship as best as possible. 💜
Here are some resources I was able to find that have some tips for dealing with a partner's infidelity.
https://www.marriage.com/advice/infidelity/how-to-heal-a-relationship-after-cheating/
https://www.verywellmind.com/cope-when-spouse-is-unfaithful-2300654
Do you think I've made a mistake letting them continue their friendship? They literally text each other all day and I can't help thinking theyre always up to something now.
@BetrayedTrust88
It sounds like you feel uneasy with the fact that they're texting constantly though, given what happened in the past. So there's this conflict between 1) wanting to be trusting and allow her the freedom to associate with a friend, versus 2) not wanting to be naive, allow a situation in which she's secretly cheating, or have her pouring all of her time/energy into a friend instead of you as her partner.
I can't say whether your actions are mistaken or not.
I guess a possible question could be, if you are unhappy with the current situation and want to change it, what actions might you take and would you feel comfortable taking those actions?
Your exactly right, I'm so conflicted right now. I also don't want to be constantly watching over her all the time so I need to figure out how I'm going to approach this one before I go and tell her about it
@BetrayedTrust88
Yeah, and that's definitely why I can't necessarily say "Oh this is what you should do", because both sides of that conflict feel pretty valid/legitimate, so it's definitely sort of a personal judgment call of what feels right/comfortable for you. 😊 If you'd like to talk with someone, HERE is a list of experienced 7 Cups listeners who take 1-on-1 chats on relationships.