Big blow up
so, had a big blow up with my husband last night. We were supposed to go out but I have been sick all week. In the morning, I said I would be ok to go out- thought I was feeling better. I asked if he thought I would put people off by being sick with the Coronavirus going around. To him, that was a signal that I didnt want to go so he said we would just stay home. So, stayed home- he wouldnt talk to me all night and is still angry with me this morning. He said some pretty rotten things and right now I feel as though he doesnt really care about me- he was angry I am sick, not sympathetic
@lavenderComputer3383
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;
I asked if he thought I would put people off by being sick with the Coronavirus going around. (I can understand why you would say this, it does feels like you were looking for reassurance that everything will be okay. It's quite normal to seek reassurance in a relationship) To him, that was a signal that I didnt want to go so he said we would just stay home. (There's a high chance he misinterpret what you said, and he gets quite triggered when he senses people are worried. He also got mad because all his life he expects things to go bad, so he rather cancels out of anger) So, stayed home- he wouldnt talk to me all night (I can tell he got quite triggered because he has always felt like things will go sideways because of his childhood, so now he is projecting that anger on you. You didn't do anything wrong) and is still angry with me this morning. (This can definetly be quite uncomfortable and hurtful to go through. He is showing signs of being emotionally immature, and at the moment is choosing to punish you.) He said some pretty rotten things and right now I feel as though he doesnt really care about me- (I can understand why you would feel this way after the way he is behaving and handling things.) he was angry I am sick, not sympathetic. (I can see that both sides feel disconnected and hurt. He feels like you didn't want to go because in his mind you didn't say the perfect things (Unreasonable expectations of him), while you feel as though he is not being considerate of how you feel. There has to be a middle ground and a conversation on order for both sides to feel connected and safe again)
@freshLight64
Thanks for your reply. Unfortunately, I do believe that my marriage is on its death knell. We have had numerous issues over the past two years, all my fault, and he does not have patience for me anymore. He just told me that even our good times arent as good anymore. I have to try to be a strong person for myself and figure out how to live my life without him- its just super hard because he is my best friend in the whole world
@lavenderComputer3383
Its understandable its quite difficult when you consider him an important person. What makes you feel like everything is your fault?
@freshLight64
because I have had issues with my family and with my daughter that I didnt address effectively and it took a toll on us
@lavenderComputer3383
I understand what you are saying, it may play a part, but he has also been contributing on the downfall on this relationship. It's not fair you are placing the whole blame on yourself.
@freshLight64
well, he does put it all on me. I know that it takes two to tango but I have had some serious issues over the last few years and have not handled them well. He is frustrated with me and has no patience for me anymore. Anything that happens, he snaps at. It was not my fault that I was sick last night but he wa ready for me to sabatoge our night as I have done it in the past.