Boyfriend emotionally abuses me
Hi I just need some support. My boyfriend seems to be somewhat narcissistic and he lies to me over and over about one of his addictions. He will go do his addiction and gaslight me to make me feel like I'm crazy. It makes my stomach hurt since I don't want to be abused anymore yet I don't want to leave him since part of him seems very kind and loving. I feel so confused about his and my relationship. Please be kind in the comments, usually when I post in a group people shame me for not leaving or for being co dependent but it's not easy to fix codependency in myself and I don't know how to leave this situation as my bf has no where else to live. Thank you so much.
@flowerlily5
Hi--I'm really sorry that that's happening. 💜 From what you've shared, your boyfriend has an addiction and is abusive to you because of it, which is really painful. But he is sometimes very loving, and you are also really worried that if you leave the relationship, he may become homeless.
Like you said, I don't feel it's especially helpful to try to shame someone for not acting a certain way ("why don't you just leave?") or to put a label on them (e.g. "you're being codependent"). You have your reasons for wanting to stay, it's a complicated situation, and I feel like all of that is deserving of respect.
Here are a few links I found that might be relevant. From skimming through them, the consensus I'm seeing is that
relationships with these types of issues do not typically improve on
their own unless if the partner with the addiction is able to receive
some type of treatment and recover from the addiction.
https://americanaddictioncenters.org/rehab-guide/married-to-a-drug-addict
https://www.aamft.org/Consumer_Updates/Substance_Abuse_and_Intimate_Relationships.aspx
https://www.addictioncenter.com/addiction/domestic-violence/
If you're interested in talking with someone about your experiences with the relationship, HERE is a list of experienced listeners who accept 1-on-1 chats.