Can
I was with this girl for 2 years.
While I was with her I was going through depression coupled with anxiety,At this stage I had already tried to commit suicide 3 times and was planning a fourth.I broke up with her when I felt that I was close to my attempt.After the breakup I drank for about a month and a half.
during this month and a half I ended up sleeping with a girl out of desperation,On her side it was sympathy.
Shortly after,while I was still drinking,approached my ex to try reconcile,Figured I was alright with the amount of drink I had and asked for her back,She said in the summer we could,we started talking again and she went as far as following me to a bathroom one night at a friends party..I got worse after I ran out of drink,the girl I had slept with told my ex that we had sex..At that point I was done and my back was broken,I couldnt take anything anymore,There was already the plan but all of that being throw on top sparked it off,I walked an 2 hours to a bridge and stood there for what felt like an eternity,I was so ready and willing..and then my Mam shows up and brings me home,My ex was there when I got home.
She told me she couldnt believe I had slept with another girl,and that she had lied about us getting back together..then she walked out,last time I saw her.
I think you should appreciate yourself more and not blame yourself so much. You are only human and making a relationship work does not rest solely on your shoulders. You slept with someone when you were single and you maybe regretted it afterwards because you were not ready and did it for the wrong reasons but that does not mean you have anything to feel guilty for, be honest with yourself about the ways you wanted to be treated differently by this girl and the the things you wanted from the relationship that you never got. It's not about blaming her to obsolve yourself, just about realising that you deserve to be happy and that you were not wrong, the relationship was. It's easy to think wewowe endless loyalty to those that have helped us through hard times but we don't. We have to be true to ourselves
