Cheating Trauma
Hello, so me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now. At the beginning of our relationship, he had sort of recently been out of a relationship where his ex cheated on him with his best friend, but we felt so good together and he assured me that he was over it. So for the first probably 5 months of our relationship, his mother decided to bring around his ex, I was worried and feeling a little insecure but I had trust in my boyfriend. After some time, she fades out of the picture and I was very happy. I thought that meant all my problems and insecurity would go away. Not. Later on I had found him texting her and there was nothing bad in the texts really just seeing how each other was doing and whatever but I felt betrayed. He has texted her a couple times over the past couple years and she had started most of the conversations herself. I was so distraught I didnt know what to do and all he kept saying was that he would be with her if he wanted to, he wants me, everyday, always. I really dont know what to do. I have been feeling suffocated by my thoughts and feelings since this that I do not know what to do. I have looked online and it says that infidelity can actually resonate as a trauma in the body and now I understand why I have been so sensitive to this but I dont know. I understand that he may need to work out his own issues due to her cheating and thats ok but I just dont know how to help myself feel okay again, in my relationship and in my own mind.
@fin8822
@fin8822
@fin8822 Boy do I now the trauma you are feeling. I have been with a man since 2010 - it started out as the BEST relationship I have ever had. Mind you I was married for 24 years and after the divorce, I never lookedback.
So my SO and I dated long distance for abut a year. He was the most grounded, honest man I had ever met. We were so compatible - we loved all the same things. I ended up giving up a career I loved and living close to family to be with him. After about a year and a half - we started looking to buy a house. We bought one in March and by September I found out he was having a full blown affair with a married woman from his hometown. He was getting up out of bed in the middle of the night to go meet her, laying next to me in bed sending her selfies.... He broke my heart.
When I asked him to break it off and start counseling with me - he let me know that the only problem he has is me. So No Counseling - meanwhile he was doing everything he could do to humiliate me in front of all of our friends, family and co-workers. He needed them to think he was justified in how he treated me.
So I move home nd I don't know why I could NOT get over it. He was honestly the only true life partner I have ever had. I loved and missed him so much. Literally so heartbroken I could barely function.
Fast forward and his "Soul Mate he had been searching his whole life for" wouldn't leave her husband for him - so here he comes to find me - runner up - backup, whatever I am...
Honestly I was using him and really trying to be mean - but he ends up sick and almost died within months - I have spent 6 years in and out of hospitals and nursing homes trying to keep him alive.
Fast forward and he still refuses to talk to me about her, how it happened, why it happened and how it ended - am I stupid for not being able to get over it? I cannot let myself out of Self Protect Mode ....
I have caught him texting and calling other women - even when I have the proof in my hand - he will lie right to my face. Right now I feel like he is my room mate - I hate it. I am so lonesome I can barely stand it.
