Confused (no comments please)

I don’t want any advice, comments, or anything. I just want to put this out into the universe because I’m lost. I’ve been confused for a while. About love. I feel like love has stabbed me in the back. I don’t even know if I believe in love anymore. But then I think about how I still feel about my “partner” and I know I still love him. I know that he loves me. That’s why I’m confused. Why people hurt other people who they love. Then I know the answer to that too, it’s because of fear. Fear of loving too much, loving being their “control.” Lack of control really freaks people out. More specifically, men. I wasn’t even interested in men before I met my partner. Not in the least. I gave up my identity, in a way. I sacrificed a lot to be with him. And he runs because he’s a coward. You’d think I would be mad, but I’m not. I just feel confused and heartbroken. He knows how I feel but he’s too cowardly to make things better. He’s ghosted me for god knows how long. I guess this is just me expressing how I hate this. I hate being here. In this confusion, I mean. I hate being in this place of loving but him being a coward. There’s only so much one person can do. Only so much I can say. He knows that. I think he can sense how upset I am. We have always had a telepathic bond. I think he knows he’s a coward. I hope he’s fixing it. Fixing himself. I know that in the meantime I have to work on myself. Work on how not to abandon love. I think I’m just all for self love right now. I don’t have room for anyone else. Maybe not even him. Not after what he did to me. Not right now. But this love isn’t something you can throw away. It stays with you. I don’t know how he’s living with himself right now. I really don’t. That’s why I think he should at least come forward and apologize to me. Or talk. Anything. But I think his family has told him I’m not an option anymore. Why, I don’t know. Sometimes I just know things. Sometimes I have visions. He knows I’m broken. He knows that it’s his fault. I’m trying to put back the pieces. I guess...no...I know he will come forward when he learns what he needs to learn. That’s how how it works. You can’t move forward until you learn your lessons. It isn’t as simple as blocking somebody out. I’m in his head. Reason I know that? The telepathic thing. Can’t explain it. I just know that it’s eating him. And you know what? It’s his fault. And that’s eating him too. I’ve tried everything. I have no regrets. I think he does, though. From listening to family whispering about me (someone they don’t even know), to him being with another woman...yeah. I can feel his regret. It’s not up to me whether he has regret. I didn’t want this, but I don’t hate him. I’m not even mad. I just am here with faith. It might sound crazy that I still have faith in him. But...that’s my life. He’s avoiding me because he doesn’t want to face reality. And the reality is that he loves me in a way he hasn’t loved anyone before. And now we’re just here. He’s mad at himself. It’s stupid. It’s all really stupid. Please do not comment things below. I ask you again. Because I don’t want to hear things like I shouldn’t be with someone who did x y and z. As if I haven’t heard that all before. On THIS app. I know. Don’t warn me.