Dealing with Relationship Anxiety
So I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months now after taking a break when I broke up with my ex. I broke up with him because in the 3 months before I decided to break it off, I started realizing that he doesn't really care the same way I did for him. My ex treated me like another one of his friends and that really put me off. I felt like I was putting in all the effort in the relationship and he was kinda just coasting along. Now with my new boyfriend, I've started noticing habits or issues that I never had in my previous relationship. First of all, I'm starting to overthink everything. For example: I know he's a slow replier, yet I still get nervous whenever he takes long to reply. I start thinking stuff like "is he mad at me" or "did I do something wrong", when in reality he's just busy or forgot to reply. (Context: we are classmates and haven't gone public with our relationship.) Or maybe when I see one of his friends being "too friendly" or touchy with him I start getting jealous and angry at that friend, even start seeing them as threats. Then when I step back and think "dude he can have friends, it wouldn't make sense if he got mad when you hang out with your friends now would it", I realize how irrational my feelings were. Logically speaking, I know our relationship is in a good place. But in my head, it feels like extreme highs and lows. With every intimate and loving moment that makes me feel close with him, there's always a moment that just completely brings me down, whether for good reason or not.
Please help me guys
@OutisCyrko
Hi there. It sounds to me like your brain is in self protection mode, which makes perfect sense given what you’ve explained about your previous partner.
This is something a lot of people go through, so please don’t feel alone with this. Remember all relationship have their fluctuations, so don’t beat yourself up if he hasn’t texted you back immediately. It could be something so simple as he’s in the middle of something, Also friends can be touchy feely with others, just the way they roll and probably nothing in it. How’s things been recently?
@RainbowRosieI've been able to keep myself under-control for the most part. The thoughts still pop in my head but I don't act out on them.
@OutisCyrko
Thats great to hear. Well done you 🌹
It sounds to me like you have some good insight and that something feels off. It also sounds like your head and heart/instincts are disagreeing, that might really be something to pay close attention to.
I am seeing something in your post that reads like a pattern - you seem to be responding with anxiety to things that feel like him withdrawing or avoiding. It might be helpful if you investigate something called the anxious-avoidant dynamic, and see if it fits what you are experiencing, as you are the expert on you. Doubting yourself and feeling uncertain are part of this pattern, and I want you to know you are not alone in these feelings or in this experience. It can be very confusing when you have mixed thoughts and feelings, and I encourage you to continue to sort out what you want and how you want to feel in your relationships, and if your current relationship matches up with that or not.
@OutisCyrko
Hey, I hear you 💛
@OutisCyrko
Hi! I can understand that you’re feeling very stressed or anxious about him getting close with other girls or overthinking if he isn’t replying. This is normal considering you’ve had a bad experience before and you don’t want it to happen again. It might be a good idea to talk to him about how you feel instead of keeping it inside because it could potentially lead up to more anxiety. But I can understand why you’re worried if he’s a little too touchy or close with his other friends and it’s totally normal to worry about those kind of things. But if you talk to him it might work out in a good way!
@OutisCyrko I am glad for you sharing your story with the community though post! It sounds like you are experiencing a lot of conflicting emotions and feelings about your past, and sometimes bringing you highs and lows toward your everyday life. It must feel exhausting and frustrating when feeling worry or jealousy, even though you knew he's probably just busy. I hear that your hope to find a balanced new relationship in the future with your concerns and feelings from your past experiences. How do you feel and do when these feelings struck again?