Dealing with boyfriends roomates
To provide a background, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We are still fairly young (21 years old.)
He got his own place 2 years ago and still lives with the same roomates. He has 3 of them, one of which is the girlfriend of his initial roomate who never asked my boyfriend or his dad if she could move in (his dad is the landlord.) Anyways, I am in a really tough spot because I feel like there is never privacy anymore. When I go over, I can never just hang out with my boyfriend. We never have one on one time anymore.
He doesn't want to go out with me because he is already over that. He always wants to stay home. For me, it sucks because I just turned 21 and enjoy doing that. He rarely comes around to family functions and sometime my family and friends ask if we are still even together. I always have to go to him, his house, and I'm getting burnt out.
we are both full time students and I also have an internship and I'm always on the go. I have to make sure I have all my stuff for the day, but myself breakfast, and lunch. I can never study at his house because it's so loud, and his roomates will be drinking on a weekday blasting music. I have to respect it because it is not my house. It's just frustrating sometimes because I just want to relax with my boyfriend.
I've brought it up to him before but I know it's out of his control. He's great but I am so sick of feeling like I'm dating multiple people. No privacy ever.
@reservedSquare2240 I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds really frustrating to just want to spend time with the person you care about, but it being so physically and mentally challenging to do so. I was in a similar situation in my previous relationship, and I found that it worked out best when we could find times to be together just the two of us when our roommates wouldn't be around or we could go out together. I know you mentioned that you have brought up your concerns with him before, but I wonder if you have tried to tell him how much you'd like to go out together so you could get some time to just yourselves or to figure out if there are some times when his roommates wouldn't be around so you could get some privacy? If not it might be good to ask about that to see if you could come to a solution that would work for both of you. I especially think it's worth mentioning how burnt out you are feeling from all of the running around you're having to do and the jumping through hoops to try and spend time together. I really hope you are able to work it out with him because it sounds like you have a good relationship and he is a big part of your support network, which is very important in such a busy time in your life.
@reservedSquare2240 I'm sorry you're going through that. I can somewhat understand how he likes being at home (I'm also a homebody). Have you ever asked him if there's any time when you can have the place to yourselves? Have you explicitly told him you'd occasionally like private time, just the two of you, just for fun?
He may also be "settling" into his new place and the appeal of staying home (for now) is fun just because it's his own space and all.
Good luck!
