Deception

Exactly one year ago, I met a man with whom I fell I love with and recently found out he is married. This was not revealed to me by him but by me finding his online wedding registry. We had met just a couple of months after his wedding. Initially we discussed whether either of us had children or were married. Neither for me and no children for him but he did say he was divorced 5 years prior with no chances of ever getting remarried again. He made it sound like he had been burned by marriage. I actually felt sorry for him. As the months passed by, looking back, he fed me constant lies. He lives a double life. Acts one way with me while he lives the wealthy luxury lifestyle, with the perfect wife, perfect marriage, and perfect career. Was I the downgrade? The naive one to manipulate? I am left feeling devastated and heartbroken. I wish things would have been different.

What makes this even harder for me is that I am dealing with severe depression and anxiety. I had 3 bad relationships back to back with one in particular being very emotionally destructive. I hated myself, had no one to talk to, no support, and felt lonely. It was so bad I constantly wished for death or something to take me away. I do not want to experience that despair again, but I feel myself constantly sad, angry, lonely, and hopeless. Sometimes it's so hard to stop the tears.