Differing Libidos Causing Problems

@greenOwl709

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I'm a 25 year old female dating a 25 year old male. We've been together a little over a year. When we first starting dating, we were in the honeymoon period and had sex often, sometimes several times a day. Things started to dwindle after about 3 months. (This is where the fantasy starts to wear off, and then is where he begins to look for flaws and use certain distancing strategies) We talk about it (and unfortunately fight about it) often. I want to have sex a lot more often than he does. (Sex is very important in a relationship, it brings two people together even closer. One of your needs is to be able to do this with him, however he seems quite hesistant.) He ignores when I try to come on to him, he'll peck-kiss me and then kinda move on. (This is definetly going to make you feel disconnected and not desired by the way he is behaving. It's important to ignore any of this because he is not investing in the relationship) He says this has been a constant issue in his past relationships and always says he'll try to work on it. (He is making excuses and pushing things to the side. This is a sign he lacks proper communication and will often go back on his word. He will tell you promises, but soon as closeness takes over is where he will break promises) After our fights things spark back up for a week or two and then it goes back to normal. (There's a lot of inconsistency on this relationship which will affect your anxiety. This is not the kind of relationship that will make you feel loved, comfortable, understood, heard and listen.) This time around, I didn't have the energy or self esteem (I struggle to believe my body is attractive) to be constantly rejected so I just stopped trying for 6-7 weeks. (This tells me your fear of being alone and to leave him is stronger than how you feel at the moment. You are enabling his behavior by staying in a relationship that everything on his terms and where he is not investing) We would have sex maybe every 10 days. (This is not enough) This doesn't feel like enough to me. I've expressed this to him once again today and he more or less told me his life "doesn't revolve around sex" and he "doesn't know what to tell me" and he could "take or leave sex, doesn't really think much of it". (He is communicating here that he is not willing to make any effort into meeting your needs and not taking the time to understand where you are coming from. His responses comes from defensiveness, and will only lead to you feeling even more hurt)

I suspect there is a mental or emotional block going on here... (Perhaps, but you are staying in a relationship that your needs are not being met and with a guy who doesn't let you get close) especially considering that when we do have sex, it's very short lived. He usually finishes in less than 3 minutes, even if he pulls out for a while and tries to extend things. (This feels forced and not genuine. He is not showing up in the relationship, and he is only going through the motions) He does try to help me finish when we have sex, even if he already has.

He doesn't want to see a doctor of any sort. (This tells me he doesn't think he has a problem, and perhaps he is blaming you for things. This is also a sign he is not willing to give you what you need in the relationship) I don't know what to do. (This relationship is not beneficial for you. All i see is him neglecting you and making you feel even more disconnected. He doesn't give you the closeness you need, and then behaves hostile when you express your needs. Staying in this relationship is a bad idea for your mental health and self esteem) A fulfilling sex life is important to me and right now, I'm not getting it. I masturbate occasionally, but it just isn't enough.