Falling apart - please help

Heyy, that sounds horribly difficult and even though i'm not in your shoes, i can understand how all of this instability can make you feel.
It's really difficult to look at someone's faults and hold on to them if we love them and the fact that you've been in a relationship for 10 years, that's big. You're only human and there's only so much you can take and bitter words from a loved one hurt the most.
The way he's treating you is not right even if it may not be completely in his control, that's not an excuse since he can get help for it but he refuses to. The situation you're in is really difficult and i can't think of a single right thing to do that is practical. Normally one would say "so tell him how much this is hurting you and that you can't take it anymore" but it's always easier said than done. All i can say is i'm here for you, this is your safe space and you can speak your mind about what you think you should do about this situation and how you wish to go on about this. You're the best judge of your situation and i know you can make the right choices for yourself.
You're important and beautiful x

@brightTree5008

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I have a significant other of almost 10 years who has severe anger issues and does not seek help. (This is a major issue here, he is not willing to get the help to improve, so this tells me he is in denial and doesn't see he has a problem) I can't get through to him when he has his episodes. He sees and hears nothing. He refuses to listen and leaves. (This is another major issue here, he doesn't have the ablity to communicate and make you feel understood. This will cause you to feel disconnected, and then he will leave as a way to not deal with emotions. It's almost impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who behave this way) If I say even a word he hasn't asked me to say, he leaves.(He is not behaving like an adult here, his behavior will make you feel even more anxious and disconnected. Walking away is a behavior he saw growing up, and its going to make you walk on eggshells) Without shoes, without a coat, without anything that's not on him.(This is how a child would behave) This doesn't happen a lot. When he is stable, we are great. We love each other so much. (Thats great and all, but the negatives outnumbers the positives)

When he gets stable, we talk and he says he'll never do that to me again.(He is telling you what you want to hear, i don't think he is that committed to follow through on his word). But he's a different person when he has his episodes. He had one recently and is gone now. (This isn't normal...theres something deeper going on here. He goes from feeling god to extremely mad, theres something wrong here) Before leaving, he said some terribly hurtful things. (He is being rude and disrespectful here) He also said that we're over. (he is being manipulative and unloving, using the breakup as a weapon to gain space) I don't know why and he won't talk to me. (He projects his feelings on you, blames you for it and then throws a tantrum. You shouldn't be after him if he doesn't want to talk with you, he does all of this to control and manipulate you) I know this must sound like an abusive relationship, but I love him so much. (Love and respect walk hand by hand, he clearly doesn't respect you, so he will keep treating you this way. I don't think he is quite capabale of handling a relationship until he finds the root of his issues) He's so great to me when he's not like this. (I'm no doctor or therapist, but you should really do research on personality disorders because the way he behaves isn't normal)

7Cups, I don't know what to do. I need to keep my day moving but I can't function. I'm broken. (The quickest answer is to not be with him anymore, but i can understand you love this person so much and are not willing to let go. I think that doing research on his behavior is key here because its not normal the way he behaves, awareness will come in handy. He has not changed in over 10 years and has not get help, so you are in a very tough situation because things will always be this way unless he decides to get help)

Hey can I weigh in on this? because I kind of have a similar problem but I am the one with toxic thoughts & repressed anger here, maybe I could talk to you through it & I could clue in more & you could also tell me your thoughts on how to handle them?