Feeling held hostage

@bubbleDog9590

First off, I want to say that you are a very brave and probably a very strong person and I am glad you want to do something about your situation. Secondly, how dare your husband threaten you and basically your children too like this! He seems to be extremely emotionally manipulative and I'm guessing his suicide threats are empty and are just put in place to force you to stay with him. However, I understand that the situation is extremely precarious and that you can't just assume he won't do something terrible. If you love something you don't threaten it. He's trying to make you responsible for his mistakes and it is extremely unfair! Perhaps you can omit him to a hospital saying that he's threatening to kill himself or call a hotline that can walk you through what to do. That way you can force him to take responsibility for his threats and make sure that he can't actually hurt himself. Do you have anyone that can support you? I honestly believe leaving him is the best choice but you are very worried about the fallout that will occur. If you had someone in your family or a friend that could help you and your children during this time that'd be fantastic but if not maybe there are some in person or online resources that you can take advantage of. The National Domestic Viloence Hotline might be a good place to start. You are in an emotionally abusive situation and getting out of it is definitely not going to be easy. As for this lady that used to be your best friend, letting loose on her would probably be cathartic in the moment but it could cause more backlash in the long run. I just want you to know that you are not responsible for what he's done. I know you have to deal with the consequences, but he is the one who caused all of these problems and he is the one who is going to ruin everything you two built. I hope you and your kids can get out of this mess soon.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you for your replies 😊

I should have add that although I don't think the threats are real my last partner did commit suicide so I can't not take them serious.

He knows this.

@bubbleDog9590

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I have been with my husband for 10 years, we have 2 children and a house and company together.

He has had a repetitive emotional affair with someone I considered a best friend. (This is a sign he only cares about his needs and how he feels without considering how this would impact you. People like your husband could never be good partners unless they do the work on themeselves, you have tolerated his behavior for far too long) And has refused to cut her out of his life. After this came out this time, she cut me out of being the god mother to her and her husband's child but my husband is still a god father. (This is a sign your friend only cares about herself and her needs without thinking how wrong her actions are. This person and your friend are two people that are not good for you, specially when they have betrayed your trust)

My husband has said in the past that if I make him give her up he will kill himself etc (He is being controlling and manipulative here. He is also acting like a child throwing a temper tantrum expecting to get his way. He is also using what you shared with him against you, and thats not okay) and if I leave he will kill himself and I would have destroyed everything we worked for. (He is being controlling and manipulative here, using guilt to force you into doing what he wants. The one who destroyed everything was him with cheating you on, so it's not your fault)

If I do leave (I really want too) I lose it all. My family, my house, my job and company, my financial well-being. (One of the most important thing is being able to make adult decisions, even if people will go against you. Your family will get over it after a bit, and the other things can definetly be attained. I want you to really ask yourself this question "Are these layers and barriers I'm putting on order to not leave because i fear starting over and being alone? or are this very genuine reasons?")

I want so desperately to let loose on her but I know it won't help.

How do you leave when you know it will be the complete ruin of everything you've worked so hard (It won't ruin anything because he killed this marriage with the cheating. The "ruin everything you've worked so hard" are part of his manipulation and guilt he is using on you to stay with him.) for including your children's security?(I feel like your children are not safe with a man like him because of the amount issues he has, so his behavior and beliefs might transfer to your children. Children security lies in a healthy marriage where both sides love each other, being attuned with how the children feel, showing empathy to them and guiding them. Money is good and all, but if the children don't see a healthy marriage between the two of you, then they will seek or become what they see on the marriage you two have. Children tend to mirror and emulate the behaviors of their parents)